Profound Doubts

Sometimes I have doubts. Sometimes I have profound doubts. Though some of these blogs may seem very optimistic, somewhat rose-colored outlook on life, it wasn't until recently that I could see the optimism and beauty in anything. Now I am basking in it and want to experience it as much as I can.

It took a long time of just surviving, just hanging on, just being numb to everything and not putting up a fight to change things for me to get to this point where I now appreciate life so much more so than I have in years. I have gone through a very dark time in my soul, but I am better for it.

Doubts are good. Bad things happen that shake out beliefs, dim our hopes, make us cry out for release or sometimes even for justice. A void is created and we feel empty inside. Then when we recover, when we bounce back (even after 15 years) we find that the void is filled, and suddenly the things we took for granted and the things we overlooked are new and fresh and wonderful. We are a greater person, better at expressing our love, a better brother or sister or mother or father or daughter or son.

I still doubt. I am still human. But I am growing.