Admitting Mistakes

I once worked with emotionally and physically abused children at a facility in Texas. It was the most difficult job I have ever had.

Most of the children were one step away from 24 hour lockdown status. Yes I know it sounds like jail. Just think of this as a half-way house to keep children out of jail until they grew up.

Now I have an ego. Most every job I have ever had I had confidence through the door that I would excel at it. But this one, that confidence disappeared very quickly.

I won't go into detail, but I was so out of my depth. When the ones for whom you are responsible do not grasp cause and effect, have triggers that set off violent or suicidal behaviors, that little piece of paper I got from my college doesn't mean diddly.

For the first time in my life I was called into the boss's office with another staff who was also having trouble. The boss confronted this other staff first and for twenty minutes the boss yelled at her and she defended herself, trying to shift blame, throwing up excuses, etc. Then she got off with a warning to improve her behavior.

When it was my turn, the boss asked about several incidents in question and asked if I had anything to say. She was totally in the right. I had no arguments, no defenses. I did not effectively manage the children and I knew it. So I said so.

There was a very uncomfortable pause that seemed to last a long time. I thought I would be fired, or suspended or something. Instead, the boss reiterated the purpose of the facility, the importance of focus, understanding and care for these children. I also got off with a warning.

When I talked with one of the staff several weeks later, she said that the boss usually yelled at people, and I was one of the few ones for which this didn't happen.

I would like to say it was my glowing personality, but let's face it, it wasn't.

I hope it was the fact that I was open and honest and truly wanted to become a good staff and caregiver. Perhaps I was just so out of my depth that all the excuses in my own mind just sounded like so much garbage. Who knows.