To review: The steps covered so far.
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1. To admit we are powerless over what others think of us.
2. To come to believe that a Power greater than ourselves loves us regardless of anything we do.
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Step 3: Make a decision to see ourselves as that higher power of unconditional love sees us.
In step 2, the primary decision is to believe that there is a Power greater than myself that unconditionally loves me. Step 3 is the decision to see myself as that power sees me. This is much more challenging than step 2.
How do we see ourselves? What influences shape what we see in the mirror? What we feel in our heart?
It is so difficult because most of my views of myself have come from other people. People have told me that I was cute, ugly, old, young, intelligent, stupid, visionary, head in the clouds, from another planet, good-smelling, bad-smelling, funny, sad. I mean, with all the feedback I get from other people, who the hell should I think I am? It is very confusing.
If you think about it, we are called every name in the book, every adjective in the language. So why do we pay attention to some of these things and not others? It is based on what image we have of ourselves. In this case, to what we listen, pay attention, and believe that others have said about us match up with what we believe to exist in ourselves. At the same time, what others say about us creates our self image.
Doesn't this seem like a crazy thing? How I see myself shapes what and who I listen to and what and who I listen to shapes how I see myself.
I have gone through periods in my life where I thought I was a wonderful conversationalist. The few times that friends or acquaintances have said that I was hard to understand, wasn't communicating, or just wasn't making a connection with them, I ignored. This wasn't the match for image I had of myself, so I shrugged it off. On the other hand, I never considered myself that spiritual until enough people told me and showed me that I was always in touch with the idea of a greater power, and a world of belief and spirituality. As this reinforcement continued, I believed even more that I was spiritually minded.
Why is it important to point these things out when I am talking about loving yourself and seeing yourself from the perspective of unconditional love?
Seeing yourself from the perspective of one who unconditionally loves you, helps to filter the feedback from others into the best, first image you have of yourself.
When we see ourselves in relation to the other people in our life, it is very easy to get into a destructive cycle of accepting the criticism of others and then to be self-critical, causing our self-image to be more receptive to the criticism of others. In fact, it may get to the point that we start taking the positive responses of others and twisting them to reinforce our own self-critical perception of ourselves. It is a deadly cycle that ends in a fractured self and, more often than not, depression, despair, etc.
What is great about starting with a structure that is based on seeing us from a perspective of unconditional love is that when we receive criticism, or even neutral responses from people, they are now examined in light of the choice to see them and accept them through the lenses of that love. In this structure, forgiveness, acceptance, healthy reflection and contemplation can occur instead of self-criticism, self-hate, injured feelings, shame or guilt.
More conscious and reflective self-evaluation stops the immediate and impulsive interpretation of other's views about you from being irrational, unrealistic, uninformed, and damaging.
Choosing to believe and see yourself through the eyes of unconditional love allow you to contemplate and process the opinions and feedback from others, without it becoming an immediate self-criticism or with us rejecting neutral or even good feedback outright.
If I believe that I am loved, and that nothing and no one can stop or alter that unconditional love I receive from that Higher Power, then everything that I am shown from others about myself, looses it's ability to injure, incite, or even influence me unless I choose to allow it.
In addition, from this perspective, the feedback we get from others that is not in conjuction with our opinion of ourselves can be contemplated. I see myself as having these qualities, but this other person shows me that their perceptions do not match up. Is it true? If it is, does it show me that while I am intending to be this way, I can be better. Notice I do not use self-criticism. I do not tell myself how stupid I am for not being where I wish to be. Since this feedback does not attack my ego, and the reassurance of love give me patience with myself, I have the time and emotional-distance enough to really process these things. Are they true? Do they show me ways that I can be even better than I am now?
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