This blog is part 2 of a 12 part blog on loving myself (and perhaps yourself) better.
To review: The steps covered so far.
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1. To admit we are powerless over what others think of us.
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Step - 2 Believe in a Power greater than ourselves that loves us regardless of anything we do.
I saw a story from CourtTV about a father who faced his daughter's killer, a man who drove drunk and crashed into her car. What is amazing about this is that at the end of the trial, right before the man was sentenced to jail, the father came up to him and said that he forgives him for the death of his daughter. You should have seen the look of shock on the drunk driver's face. He was stunned. Being led away in handcuffs, he never lost that look of complete surprise.
I don't think this man would have been more astonished if green men from outer space, materialized in the middle of the court room. He was given a look into not only forgiveness, but of love. Perhaps for the first time in his life, it was unmerited, no strings, no requirements, no contracts, undeserved.
Now why is this step separate from step number 3? They are broken apart because what must happen first is that we choose to believe that there is undeserved and unconditional love and that it comes always from a place, a person, a figure, a God, a power that is larger than ourselves. After believing, then we can respond. Not before.
I know in my own case, I have answered the question as to whether a greater power unconditionally loves me very quickly and with a resounding "Yes." But hold on. The first relationships that I had, that modeled this love were from my parents. They were good relationships, but regardless, were between human being with all the failures and limitations of human beings. I learned that love from a mother and father were great, but still limited. I could see God as a parent and that is about as far as my conception and understanding of that Divine Love went for many many years.
However, when I went to college I learned that a few people had horrific parents and an abusive childhood. One woman seemed to have a great and abiding faith, a surety of the love of God, though so few people modeled it in her life. When I asked how she believed this, she said that one night she was going to end her life, and in the moments before slitting her wrists, she prayed to God that she could feel love even one time in her life before she died. In a moment, she said that she was filled with a sense of peace and love that she had never experienced before. It swelled within her, and consequently, saved her life. She related that from that point on, she knew things could be better because she was loved by at least one person in her life.
I was so humbled by this. Looking at my own conceptions of that unconditional love, mine was limited, even with loving relationships in my early life. Hers was radiant and sure.
What I am learning, what I am choosing to believe every hour of every day is that unconditional love. Notice that I am choosing to believe this many times a day. This is not a one time statement of faith, of statement of belief. It is a process. It is a declaration of thought, feeling, and being that must be made continuously.
I go backward if I do not choose to believe that a greater power loves me unconditionally. I go back into those patterns of belief where that love is only as good as the love that has been modeled for me in my life. It is easy to fall back into the habit of experiencing limited love. It is too easy.
Choose to believe in a love greater than any of which you can conceive. Choose to place no limits on that love, none whatsoever!
So...what does this mean?
It means that I choose to visualize, to feel, to be open to a love that springs from a never ending source.
If I stand under a waterfall, and I choose to whip out an umbrella to stop the flow of water, do you think I will stay dry? Not likely. In fact, the force of that water will whip that umbrella away quick. If I choose to hold my past behaviors up as a shield from unconditional love, what happens? The love still comes like a flood, like a waterfall. My shield doesn't stop the love coming into my life. It only prevents me from recognizing it for what it is. I get wet, and yet I stand, screaming to the world and to myself that I am dry; that I do not deserve the water coming down, and therefore refuse to feel the water coursing over me.
At the moment I choose to believe in this love, I feel the water, I feel the power from the source. I no longer deny or ignore it. That is why I must continuously choose to believe.
Choose to believe that there is nothing that prevents this love from your life. None.
Not murder!
Not stealing!
Not hurting another!
Not hurting yourself!
Not the worst evil you think you may have done!
Not abandoning a child, a parent, a grandparent, a friend!
Not drugs or alcohol!
Not pride!
Not crushing the competition!
Not lying!
Not betraying another!
Not cheating!
Not hating!
Not beating!
Not being beaten!
Not abusing another!
Not being abused!
This love is unconditional. No limits exist. You cannot prevent this unconditional love from loving you! No matter what you do, you are loved. Now...believe it!
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