"You're just being too sensitive!"

"You're just being too sensitive!"

Oftentimes, this kind of thing is said when we say something to someone and they take it much harder than we intended it to be taken.    Yet, to defend ourselves, we put it on them that they are too sensitive.   Yes, i myself am guilty of this more than once.   And you know what, I am sensitive.

I really think I need to look at this whole sensitivity thing a bit closer.

I think to some degree that everyone has sensitivities in certain areas of their life.   Usually, it has to do with some emotional situation that occurred in their past, or that they have caused or been caused to feel some intense emotion, physical pain, or spiritual angst.

Emotional sensitivity is very common.   Oftentimes, when we are talking with people, we notice that certain subjects are avoided by people.   They become quiet, or change the subject very quickly, or become suddenly defensive.   We almost expect this.   In fact, when conversation is so easy and effortless and it seems that no topic is uncomfortable or off-limits, that we ourselves start feeling a little uncomfortable.   We are guarded or reserved and feel bad that we cannot return the open and honest and unguarded conversation of the other.

Emotional sensitivity also means that there are more direct connections to that other person's emotions in some areas that others.   The normal defenses are not working.   The level and speed with which these emotions can be accessed and are expressed are out of proportion with the others.   If we are goodd listeners, and good friends, these areas are sometimes portals into a deeper understanding of another

Physical sensitivity is also very common.   People who have had injuries, or some physical trauma, or emotional trauma that is triggered by a physical sensation, reaction, or condition, also are protective and sometimes defensive about these areas.   For example, when I was overweight, and tried to hide my gut (which was very large) I would not allow people to touch my stomach.   I was not aware of it, but I would block people from even getting near my stomach.   I also has a triple fracture in my foot and for months later, I was very careful about even touching my own foot.   It was in my awareness all the time.   People pick up on this.   Some people we consider "touchy" usually have a good reason.   Victims of physical abuse, or traumatic injury usually are very sensitive about being touched. 

In some recovery programs for people who have gone through traumatic physical events, there are such things as rebirthing events and other touch intensive therapies.   Ironically, several of these techniques also help getting over emotional traumas as well. 

Spiritual sensitivity is a tricky one.   Though, in my own experience, I would say that his is more common than the other two.   We have all had experiences that can be interpreted as either very normal, realistic, logical, explainable, and grounded.   Conversely, other experiences we may consider otherworldly, spiritual, existential, unreal, and nebulous.   These experiences can be as traumatic or more so than emotional or physical events.   Most people with whom I have talked about spirituality are extremely touchy about this.   I have been touchy about this myself.   Many people are very sensitive about their spirituality their entire lives.   There are fewer resources to explore, get in touch with, and work through our spiritual sensitivities.   For physical and emotional sensitivities, there are medical, holistic, psychological,  social and may other avenues for understanding and addressing these sensitivities.

Being sensitive is not bad or good.   I guess I may have painted it as only being related to traumas or bad things happening.   This is not true.   There are times of intense physical, emotional and spiritual events that are enormously positive.

The easiest example of physical positive sensitivity is of course, physical pleasure.   Some pleasure is so enormously fulfilling that once we experience it, we change the course of our lives so that we can experience it again.   (No....I am not just talking about sex.)  There are adherents to some Yoga philosophies and practices because they wish to recapture the physical, transcendent states that they human body can get into.  

Emotionally, crushes are a great example of positive sensitivities.   Our senses seem more alive, we notice all the small and subtle things about the other person.  

Spiritually, there have been mountain-top experiences that have changed a person's life, and sometimes an entire country's or church's history.

The common thread through all these areas of sensitivity is that they are more direct connections to the senses, feelings, thoughts, and beliefs of people.   If treated with respect, they are very effective avenues to get to know and love another person for who they are.   If disrespected, they can be relationship and friendship killers.

I guess I just had to explore this sensitivity question.   Consider it my own sensitivity training.