Observations from a Recovering Intensaholic!

Again, the deep end.

I am an intensaholic.  I am addicted to being intense.   Take it from me; do not stay in the deep end all the time!

Most people cannot sustain that intensity and attribute lasting and deep significance to everything that happens.  Normally, people experience a life-altering experience and they temporarily become intense.   Eventually, they revert back to a normal level.

It is good to visit the deep end from time to time.   It alters the way we view the world and does make us appreciative of the little things in life, and of the people who deserve our appreciation.   Do not stay in this place!   People are meant to cycle from one level to another; never being in one state or another for very long.

I have lived at this level of moment to moment significance, attributing vast meaning to almost every occurrence in my life.  There are some shortcomings.

By choosing to live each moment in this way I miss the moments that mean nothing more than that I can enjoy people's quirks, mannerisms, faults, and idiosyncrasies that make relationships so rich in the first place.  If I do not take these at face value, read too much into these actions, then the spontaneity and joy is lost.   Sometimes a joke is a joke, and a silly comment is a silly comment.   No one likes their trivial offerings to be taken as some huge, significant truth or observation.   It spoils the ability for others to be themselves and to be spontaneous in their dealings with me.

While I feel comfortable being intense most of the time, other people begin to feel a little "creepy" around me.   I do not blame them.   If I looked at myself with the intense focus that I give to others, I would be "creeped" out too.    There are times when we like to have someone's undivided attention.   It makes us feel valued and that someone listens to us.   When we wish to be ignored, to not have that focus on us, then when someone like me locks my eyes on them, they want to leave the area.   It has happened many times.

Being intense also means that when I do not have a target for that intensity, it turns inward.   Then instead of seeing significance in everything that others do, I attribute too much and too many times, incorrect attributions to my own thoughts and actions.   It is like being on trial and you are your own persecutor, judge and jury.

As this blog started out stating, I am a recovering Intensiholic.

So from me to you.....

"Every moment is pregnant with significance; but, even pregnancies have their lighter side!"