Needy much?

I have been both a needy hanger-on and the person who has had a needy hanger-on. Either way, it is something I think a lot of people have experienced.

Have you ever had a friend or acquaintance that shows up at inappropriate times and places,
want s to go with you on your errands or just wants to hang out at your place for a while?

Always, you can tell that they really are in need of people, yet they give off that air of neediness and clinging that makes you want to not spend time with them. Sometimes I have given in and invited them in, started a conversation, hinted after an hour that I had other things to do, hinted even more twenty minutes later that really I had other things to do, and finally made up some errand that I needed to run and would they mind leaving.

I have also been that person. I remember times that friends of mine had that expression on their face when I showed up at the door of "Oh no....it's him again!" I remember the rationalizations and excuses as to why I couldn't stay over. I was so dense back then!

What do we do?

I have been honest once. I pointed out that needing people in your life is normal. Nobody wants to be alone at times. However, by intruding on people, being clingy or needy will do more to turn people off than anything else. It is not enough to satisfy your desire for companionship if you are creating an atmosphere of reserved tolerance, or even regret every time you visit. I tried to share that sometimes, changing your thoughts from "how can I stop being alone?" to "how can I be welcoming, kind, considerate and the friend to another that I want for myself?" Start by being a friend. Act toward others as you would have them act toward you. Give them the choice to be busy, to say no, to not spend time with you. Be patient with yourself.

But who knows. I am still telling myself these things and sometimes I still recognize myself as needy. A work in progress.