Tension

Tension is a funny thing.  Not funny hilarious, but funny in that it is rarely noticeable until it is finally gone.

I knew I was under more stress.  More hours of working.  You know how it goes.  You think you are taking enough time to relax, meditate, reconnect with people, getting enough sleep.  However, when you really relax, when I finally relaxed, it was obvious that there had been a knot of tension.

My days are not that long.  People have longer days.  My hours are not that much.  People have longer hours.  My job provides more flexibility than  any other job I have ever held.  Others have more rigid schedules.  Even with all of this I engage my day with the same mind-set as I did when I held my most challenging, and my worst job.  Perhaps you have a similar way of approaching your job.  I just know, it no longer suites me.


I start my job hours before I start my job.  Schedules, to do lists, prioritization, all occur the moment I start thinking about the day.  The gears of this productivity machine engage and suddenly my mind is task-oriented, time-driven, and self-correcting, after self-reflection and self-criticism. 


I have had to schedule times to relax, and apparently, this has not been working. 


So what finally allowed me to relax?


I have reading books that talk about getting to a place of peace in silence.  To take time out and meditate.  To be still and know that God is God.  It works, but it is only part of the answer.


This is so shocking to me, because I thought it was the answer.  I really did.


It seems that I need people too. 


There was a wonderful retreat at a camp at which I once worked.  A three day retreat.   A retreat that wasn't retreating from my normal everyday, but going toward my best day.   The only common component present throughout the entire retreat was spending time with people.

I meditated when I was there.  I went into the chapel and played my guitar, sang songs.  I looked at the beautiful scenery, the cross on the hill.  I sat in silence, early in the morning while sipping coffee.  I felt the warm assurance of God.  God's presence was there.  I was at peace. 



I played with children.  They entertained my with their stories, songs, funny games, funny voices.  I entertained them with stupid human tricks, my stories, my voices, my accents.  Suddenly the sense of peace was accompanied by a sense of joy. 

I played with adults.  This is more difficult for me than with children.  I am used to playing with children.  However, they had their own stories, songs, funny ways of looking at the world.  I found the commonalities with them at the level of experiences, of faith, of shared truths, and shared laughter.  The sense of peace and joy was now accompanied by a sense of belonging.


I talked with people.   There were moments when it was one on one with a new friend, an old friend, and an old acquaintance  who I hope is now a new friend.   Stories came forth of similar trials and tribulations, pain and regrets, uncertainty and doubt.  Also stories of triumph, reconciliation, faith, repairing burned bridges, healing relationships, healing stories.  So now the peace, joy and belonging were blended with a fourth; Love!


After leaving this remarkable retreat, I now have a better way of approaching my life so the tension doesn't build up as fast and as severe as it did.


I know time alone in reflection and renewal is important.  It will remain in my life.
I know playing with children brings me joy.  I will find ways to include this in my life.
I know that playing with adults gives me a sense of belonging.  There will be more times such as this.
I know that talking with people spawns ever greater experiences of love.  I will listen, talk and love more.


Today is a perfect example.


I started the day with meditation. 
I worked on clients.
I talked with a friend mid-morning.
I worked on clients.
I had lunch with another friend.
I ran into another friend and his new wife at the gas pump and we had a laughter filled 5 minutes.
I worked on clients.
I am writing this blog.


While today is not over, I have yet to "engage' those gears of productivity, yet things have gotten done; and I have a little peace, joy, belonging, and love in my life.


I think it is a good recipe.