Love Yourself - Again

So many self-help books say that the number one problem with people is that they do not love themselves.

Yet, what does this really mean?   How do we love ourselves?

Do we think that in loving ourselves that we cater to our every whim?   

Isn't this what we are tempted to do when we fall in love with another, or even have a crush on another?   No task is too small, no favor to large to gain the good graces of the one in whom we are interested.   

So if I love myself, I am going to go out and treat myself to a large Mocha Coffee with extra chocolate syrup and sprinkles even though I am a diabetic!   I am going to go buy the latest video game console on the market even though I already have a huge credit card debt.  I am going to come home and just veg out for hours in front of the TV even though the smell from the garbage is enough to knock out a skunk!

Now what if we think that loving ourselves means protecting ourselves from pain, disappointment, or discomfort?   

Therefore, I am going to avoid situations that may be physically, emotionally, or spiritually painful!  Right?   I mean, no one in their right mind would purposely seek out situations in which they can get hurt?   I will not go back to dating after my divorce!   I will avoid that High School Reunion because I put on 40 lbs since then!  I will not open up my heart to another just to have it broken again!   

How about the conditional love we have for ourselves?

I will love me when I get healthy!   I will love me when I have that face lift.   Finally, these saddlebags are gone and now I can love myself!   When I find a woman who loves me, then I will love myself!   When my sister forgives me, or my brother forgives me, then I will love myself.

It seems that answering the question as to how we can love ourselves is anything but clear.

Yet, we can take a couple pages out of the AA and other 12-step programs to help love ourselves in realistic and appropriate ways:

(My own refined 12-steps for loving myself!)

1. To admit we are powerless over what others think of us.
2. To come to believe that a Power greater than ourselves loves us regardless of anything we do.
3. To make a decision to see ourselves as that higher power of unconditional love sees us.
4. To Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. To Admit to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the ways we limit loving ourselves.
6. To ready to face these limits, work through our fears in order to love ourselves.
7. To humbly ask that greater power to open our hearts to the love in our lives.
8. To make a list of all the times we have harmed ourselves and forgive ourselves for them.
9. To learn to identify when we feel shame and guilt for what we have done to ourselves, and change it to thoughts of what we have done well, what actions we can take to make positive changes in our lives from this point on.
10. To take personal inventory and when we are self-critical, to promptly admitted it.
11. To seek through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of God's love for us and the power to love ourselves with that love!
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we will to carry this message to all who are ready to love themselves, and to ourselves when we may falter in these steps.