Resistance to the Better Things

I resist!

Let's take sleep.

Some nights, I know that turning down the thermostat and piling the blankets usually makes for a better night sleep.  Being cold seems to help.  
Do I do this?  No!

Turning off my music, or my audiobooks, which I usually fall asleep to quite quickly anyhow, sometimes keep me up. 
Do I do this?  No!

How about turning off all the lights, putting my iphone away (out of the bedroom).
Do I do this?  No!

So, what happens is that some nights, I do not sleep well.   I have control over all of those things I mentioned above.  I could change any of them and probably get a better night sleep.   So, I am creating my insomnia.

How about meditation?

Meditation help to relax me.  It brings down my blood pressure.  I have no headaches when I meditate.  Things get easier.  The day goes smoother.

I resist a lot when I try to start a session.  Things go through my head like how much time will I loose to meditation.  Am I missing out on something else by doing this.  Why not listen to an audiobook?  No.No.No.
When I start though, I know that it was a good choice.

So, why in the world do I ignore, minimize or otherwise rationalize away things that would be beneficial.

Let me not even get into the food issue!   Talk about resistance to the better things for you!

The only thing that makes any sense is that I have the habit, like most people do, of instant gratification.

I get the instant gratification of listening to an interesting audiobook and loose sleep.
I get the instant gratification of thinking what I want to think and how instead of meditating.
I get the instant gratification of that pizza rather than the mizzou soup I should be having.

Resistance is also something that happens because of habits; bad ones that is!

I have the habit of ignoring my own inner voice when something comes up that might provide that gratification.
Sometimes, I know that the alternative to the better things, and better choices isn't that much more gratifying, but the habit remains of choosing the wrong thing.

My resistance also happens due to fear of change.  In broad terms, it is a combination of a fear of failing and a fear of succeeding.

What would happen if I really succeeded at mediation?  Let's say that I got so good, that I would rather meditate than watch TV, read, go out, watch movies, have fun with others?   What about the fear of becoming one of those people who go out into the desert to find themselves?  Whoah!

How about succeeding at sleeping?  Does that mean that I have to give up audiobook listening in bed.  How about all the thoughts that I go through before falling asleep?  Would my bedroom and my bed be only for sleeping.  The thing is comfortable!  I like reading there.  I like listening there.  Heck, I like playing guitar there.  But being a successful sleeper would be nice!!!

Now the biggie!

What if I became really successful at living life with no fears?

I don't know how to live without my fears.  Really, I don't know how to live without my resistance to living.  With no fears, there are no excuses.  With no fears, success becomes unavoidable.  With no fears, no resistance, I accomplish everything on which I think and act!   Scary thought.