Love at a Distance

Love At a Distance

I've written about the effect that love has on people.  Quite a bit in fact.  However, there are times that you never need to come into contact with someone to affect their lives, and they yours.  Let's call this "Love at a Distance."
 
We affect everything by our thoughts.  Whether we know it or not.  It is not so much of a stretch to think that we can also affect people though our thoughts of love about them and to them, without even talking.

Norman Vincent Peale had the right idea when he spoke of the many instances where changes were made in another person's actions by thinking positive thoughts toward that person.  Even though no talking took place, a change happened.

In one of his illustrations, he talked about encountering another driver, while out on the highway.  Norman was going somewhere unfamiliar, with trust map in hand and entered the freeway.  This other driver cut him off, slowed down when Norman needed to speed up, switched lanes when he wanted to exit.  Norman was not blameless.  The more aggressive the other drive got, the more he did too.  Then he was cut off, he started cursing the other guy under his breath.  When he wanted to enter a lane and was blocked he rammed down on his horn.  It just escalated from there.  Finally, Norman realized that he was getting no where with this one-upsmanship on the road.  He slowed down and started talking, in his car, to the other driver.  Calmly he told the other driver to take the lead.  That he was sorry for all the bad things he thought about him on the freeway.  That he should have a good day, and be safe on the road.  In fact, Norman went so far as to wish him in his heart a great and joyful day.

Well, they both happened to turn off on the same road, and Norman stopped to look at his map.  The man in the other car pulled over too, and asked him if he could give him any directions or help him in any way.  The change in the behavior of that man  Norman attributed to the change in his attitude toward him.

Now we are talking about Love at a Distance and not a good attitude at a distance, but it works much the same way.  Our thoughts of unconditional positive regard (the psychological definition of love) radiates out from us in ways that are not limited to talk, touch, feel.  In fact, I would go so far as to say there are no limits to how this attitude expands and touches all around us.

Have you ever started thinking about someone you wished would contact you, and then you get a card in the mail from them.  Or how about when you think that you really need to apologize to a good friend, and you battle with yourself over calling, but then they call you. 

But let's talk about love now.  What if you have burned bridges with someone.  They won't accept your calls.  They don't send you mail.  What then?  How can you ask for forgiveness and rebuild that bridge when communication just isn't there?

If we believe that love, unconditional positive regard, can be shared with another, even if that other person is out of sight, out of touch, even out of the country, then there are active things we can do to Love at a Distance.

Change our inner conversations about that person

Our present attitudes are habits, built from the feedback of parents, friends, society and self, that form our self-image and our world-image.  These attitudes are maintained by the inner conversations we constantly have with ourselves, both consciously and subconsciously.  Our attitudes about others are also build from these inner conversations.  So change the conversation.  Instead of thinking how the other person won't contact you because they are stubborn, a jerk, etc, replace it with an inner conversation with that person that focuses on the wonderful characteristics they have, the ones that may have made them friends in the first place.  

Actually have the conversation.  Talk to them like you would if they were in the same room with you.
Don't let blame and guilt, finger-pointing come into your conversation with their virtual selves.  Only focus on what you would like to see accomplished if you saw each other.  How your friendship means so much, and all the shared great memories.  Apologize to them for any thing you have done wrong.  Tell them that their greatest happiness is your greatest goal.  





Continue the conversation as the days go on.  Visualize that all wrongs are forgiven, and you are back in the friendship. 







If it is a relative stranger, the same applies.  Have the virtual conversation.  Talk to them about the same things.  Wish them happiness.  Wish them peace.  Surround them with your visions of them being happy.  Of them getting along with you.  Put yourself into the picture in your mind.


Whatever the greatest thing you wish for yourself, wish more for them.

Again, without ever needing to speak or see the other person, visualize them receiving all the things that you wish for yourself.  Success, friends, peace of mind, humor, laughter, love.  Include them in your daydreams of you receiving these things.  Imagine all the ways that, if you saw them again, you could participate in providing these things to them.


Pray


Whether in prayer or meditation or simple quiet time, include these people in your thoughts.  Visualize them surrounded by unconditional love  See them in your mind's eye as receiving that unconditional love; of having that seep into every cell; of the perfect situations, people, plans that would assure them of that love.  Pray for the ability for them to see all the times, the opportunities to experience that grace.

When the time comes to speak to them, don't miss it!
Very often, a time will come when you will have a chance to speak with them.  Be ready.  By this time, your inner conversations, desires and prayers have prepared not only them but you for a conversation full of positive regard, healing and love.  Even if it is only a few words, let them come from your heart.  You never know, but that it may spawn more such opportunities.  It may be the start of reconciliation.