Is this all I am?

There is a wonderful line in Star Trek I:  The Motion Picture, where Spock is telling Kirk what the artificial life form VGER is thinking and asking.   At one point, Spock relays a question VGER has been asking since it's creation.  "Is this all I am?  Is there nothing more?

Apart from showing my Geek, by quoting Star Trek, this question comes up constantly in life.  Even reading some of the journal entries for Mother Theresa, in which she writes of her doubts about her life, her faith, God, and her mission, we all have periods where we look around and ask "Is this all I am?"

Recently, I entered into a deep conversation with a woman.  She was seeking for the answer to this question.  Her life, to all outward appearances, seemed idyllic, full of love, full of success.   Yet, she made the statement that she never got to "get off the treadmill" of her life.  She always felt like she had to stay in the rat race, go through the motions to provide for her family.  She felt stuck.   I listened and her complaints and realized that they could have come from right inside my own head.  They were so familiar. 

She talked about her everyday life and how when she got a moment free her mind would immediately be drawn to the next task, the next action, the next fire she felt she had to put out.  From getting her children ready for school in the morning, to going to work, to coming home, cooking, cleaning, enforcing homework time with her kids, supper, dishes, schoolwork, getting ready for bed, trying to fall asleep so that the next day could begin the whole thing over.

Now, I don't have children, and I am mainly responsible only to myself, but I too feel like most of the time I am shackled by the everyday.  My thoughts, my dreams, my visions are put on hold while I take care of business.  Yet, the longer these dreams and thoughts are ignored, forced down, not experienced, I know a part of me starts to atrophy.  This part is hope.  

If we cannot picture something different that what we experience, then hope fades.  With hope goes motivation.  Soon, we truly feel like we are going through the motions; motions we cannot stop because we are afraid of things coming apart, or bills not paid, or children not looked after, or responsibilities not met.

I remember listening to Deepak Chopra on audiobook when he was relating a story about how most Westerners (Americans) have such a difficult time being in silence.  He said that most people, in the first few days, bug out.  Some get very agitated; some cry; one even starting banging his head against a wall (softly though) because the silence was getting too much to bear.  Most of his students, when asked why it was so difficult, said that they thought at first that they were just wasting the time.  Nothing was being done.  Nothing was accomplished.  Then, they found their minds reaching for something besides silence.  A distraction, a problem, something to engage their mind.   Finally, after some days, more days for some less for others, their mind gave up and just started experiencing peace.

Now, I know for one that I do not have the desire to go to a retreat and be silent for the days it would take to silence my mind.   Perhaps it would be good for me, but I just don't have the desire.   However, I have found that times of silence during the day do have the effect of recharging the imagination engines again.   With imagination, there comes daydreaming, envisioning, hope.  Motivation returns.   The ability to look once again at my life, not in terms of running on the same treadmill, or being shackled by chains, but rather seeing new possibilities.  Focusing on things I can change.  Appreciating things that already bring joy to my life.   The view changes.  The chains are no longer so restraining.

I love retreats up at my camp in Kerrville.   Not only do I love spending time with all the children that come up there, but their families as well.   You have never seen so many adults, that for a weekend, are unshackled by the everyday.   Smiles, hugs, laughs, practical jokes, boasting, toasting, story-telling, bragging, loving, listening, caring, understanding.   They have all taken a moment and in that moment their imagination, their hope, their perception of possibilities comes back. 

Now why did I go into this long monologue about "Is this all I am?"   Because the start of hope begins when you answer "There is always more!"

Becoming Someone Wonderful

Having joined one of those online dating sites, I have been placed in a position to have to review and sometimes modify my concept of a future companion.   It is a daunting task.  Sometimes, a humbling one.

At first, I laid out the various women with whom I have had any kind of relationship in the past.  What were their great qualities? Which areas were we most complementary?  Which areas caused the most friction?  What qualities did I possess which made the relationship more difficult to grow in a healthy way?  What factors caused the dissolution of the relationship?

Very sobering questions.

Yet, they brought me to a realization.  One that I knew before, but that had so much more impact now.  Searching for a long-time companion is not a process of finding someone wonderful, but becoming someone wonderful.

The search for the perfect fit, or someone with whom I am compatible is usually done by looking for qualities the other person needs for me to feel they might be a good companion, girlfriend, friend, etc.  How many times in this process did I point to myself and say which qualities do I have that would make another person a good companion, boyfriend, friend, etc.

At some point, I need to either be in the process of uncovering the areas in which I still need improvement, or actively becoming a better version of the person I wish to be.  Anything less would be not only a diservice to whomever I might have a relationship, but a diservice to myself.

I recently started reading "The Five Love Languages."  by Gary Chapman.  In this book, he describes five ways in which we express and receive love from another.   Words of Affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch are the 5 languages.  I thought, what a better way to continue to become the best version of myself that I can be but to become better at all 5 languages.  That way, no matter which language the other person uses to love, I can both recognize and appreciate it, and return it.

This prompted me to go back to my first questions about previous relationships.   In which ways were the 5 languages used.  In which ways were they interpreted, or misinterpreted?  How did I misinterpret or not acknowledge or not appreciate them in the other?

What amazed me is that most if not all the problems with previous relationships had to do with not speaking and recognizing the same language.  While I thought I was extremely loving in words of affirmation and quality time, acts of service were not really there.  On of the women really responded (or did not respond well) to what she considered a reflection of love that was not there, namely acts of service, doing chores, tasks, things for her.  It was not completely absent, but it was not one of my languages at the time.

So back to becoming a wonderful person.

Now that I know the areas in which I respond, the languages I use to show love and receive as an affirmation of that love, I can at least be prepared enough to share those with women I may date and hear what language they use.

So now my eyes are open to how the other expresses love for people in their lives.  I ask about their relationship with parents, with friends.  What times have they felt very loved and appreciated.  From this, I slowly decipher their language of love.

This whole article has been about dating, but it can be about any form of love.  Love between friends, family, spouse, etc.  It is simply about listening and recognizing the ways in which people feel loved.

More on this in later blogs......................

I Can Feel It

I can feel it.  The tingle in the air.  The sense of anticipation.  It is like a small snowflake before the winter wonderland.  Or, in Texas, the dust of sand before the dune.

I've had this feeling before.  As a young boy, the closer I got to this the more excited, animated, and joyful I became.  As an adult, I find I am having the same reactions.

Yes, I'm being a bit cryptic about what this thing, this event is, because I really want to talk about the feelings and actions that come up when people get excited.  When they feel passion for something.  When they can't wait for something they love to occur.

For me  high school was not a great experience.  I was part of the "geek" and "nerd" and "dweeb" crowd.  Didn't really want to be in that crowd, but I was.   There were several groups, the least of which were the athletes, that made life at that time a little difficult.  A lot damaging to the ego.  And, of course, girls at that time looked on us for what we could do for their grades, not their hearts.

Yet, my summers were reserved for what I loved.  I would wait in anticipation all school year  and almost run home the last day.  The next week would be spent in a chaotic state, getting packed, ready, waiting......

Ok.  Yes, I will tell you finally what this thing is.  I wanted to give a lead-in, a preface because for many people it's no big thing.  Summer Camp.  Yep.  Summer Camp.

I was a camper at my camp from 4th grade to 8th.  I was a staff from 10th grade to after college.  It was and is a magical place.

I would go there as a staff early.  Usually it was only me and the camp director and maintenance guy.  I would be put to work getting the campsite ready for summer.  Several days, I remember, painting, sanding, buffing, polishing, doing trash runs, mowing.  It was wonderful.

Then the staff for the summer would start to arrive and for the next two weeks it would be like all the best experiences of camp, mixed with the best experiences of school.  All of this in an environment of loving kindness and service.  There were many a time that I thought I could spend my life there.   It ended up, that now, 20 some years later, I still have that desire.

So, next week I am going back to the same camp to volunteer for a week.  Yes, I'm a bit older.  Yes, I could be the dad of some of these staff.  (Frightful thought).  I could almost be the grandfather (not quite) of some of the campers.  Yet, last year I did the same thing and it was as if I never left.

I am going to keep this a bit short, because I could almost write a book about my experiences there.

My question to you is, is there something that you look forward to, that stirs your blood, that affixes your attention.  Is there something that you love that's coming up.  And if there isn't......plan something.

A Special Saturday Morning

(Since some of this is personal, I have changed the names and location.)

A friend who used to have a restaurant recommended that I go and check out another place.

So, when I woke up, I decided that this was the day I was going to visit.

I entered the town, and turned the corner where this cafe was located, and was presented with a large, blue house with the sign outside welcoming people in for a cup of Joe and perhaps breakfast. 

I entered the front door and the "parlor" was full of welcoming couches, chairs, and festooned with art of all kinds.  Pottery, painting, sculptures, masks, homemade works out of wood, stone, cloth, photos.  A sign pointed to the kitchen area and I followed.

The art never left.  With each turn I was presented again with these works on the shelves, wall, everywhere.  In the dining room were reclaimed wood tables, a bar with inlaid glass and pebbles and dark wood inlays.  All of it recycled wood.

Their menu is anything from Organic to mainstream.  A little bit of everything for everyone.  I ordered the coffee (which smelled heavenly) and the Sunrise plate.  This was turkey with a touch of bacon with melted provolone and spinach sandwiched between two pita breads with an orange slice.  It was delicious.

I was surrounded by art, and surrounded by fans (the kind that blow air).  It was like being in a constant gentle breeze while I enjoyed my breakfast (which was so good I ordered the same thing again and ate it).

The owner Gracy grew up there and moved away, but came back and wanted to bring the feel of some of the organic, eco-friendly restaurants back her town.  She talked out how much she had put into advertising and drawing customers.  They have live music on the weekends, and everything they use they recycle.

I talked with the cook, her partner Marti.  You could tell he loved to cook.  He loved to talk.  He told story after story about creating the benches and stage outside with recycled wood.  How he built the bar, the tables, the trim on the walls.  Very proud of his work.  He spoke of his family and his wife that he lost to cancer.

He also talked about his miraculous encounters with God.  His daughter was bipolar and had to be hospitalized repeatedly for her own safely.  Yet, his stories about her were inspiring.  At what seemed last the last moment, the last nickle that he couldn't afford to pay, the last bill that came due, something happened.

In one story, the hospital lost the bill and never charged him and never brought it up.  That was after his time with God asking how he could afford yet another bill for his daughter.

Another story was his encounters with 3.  In the course of a day he woke up at 3:33am but thought nothing of it.  He then was at his daughter's house picking up clothes for her as she was to be released and he touched a rose that she was drying out upside down, and 3 petals fell.  He got to the hospital and looked down and saw 3 quarters (which he has kept to this day), and this was the day that again, when he went to Billing asking what this would cost, the hospital said they would cover all the costs and he shouldn't worry. 

A new couple came in then, and the first thing the woman did was go up to Marti and gave him a huge hug, saying, "I told you I'd be back" and presented her boyfriend to him (as if Marti were her father and she were presenting him to Marti for approval.)  Then he had to get back to the kitchen.

A bicycling couple, in their skin tight wind suits, and obligatory white water bottles, were coming in just as I was leaving.  They stopped and talked about the place and how they loved the recycling and conservation that Gracy and Marti did.  They just love the place.

I left, charged up, inspired, and fed, and not just with food.

It was a great start to a day.

Long Road to the Mountains.

Long Road to the Mountains
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Mountain tops are nice.  The air is different.  The view is spectacular.  The setting often beautiful.  It lends itself to a wider perspective, a longer vision.  They are necessary.  They are a spiritual reset that I need so often.  The only drawback to mountain top experiences is that at some point, I have to go back into the valley.  Rarefied air is great, but I can't breathe it forever.

So what happens when the mountain-top experiences become fewer and farther in between?  In this dynamic two years since I "woke" up, I have had moment after moment of these timeless periods of feeling reconnected, seeing the longer view, experiencing the wider perspective, the eternal peace.  They got so frequent that hardly a day went by that I did not have such a moment.  It was glorious.

Now, I am looking at why I have fewer such experiences.  To a mystic like myself, it is almost a painful sense of loss.  That immediate, intimate experience of God is what impassions and emboldens me.  The mountain-tops are where I wish to live.  So the quest for an answer began.

There were valley experiences.  More than usual.  

Not to go into detail, but when a crisis or a problem comes up that seems to restrict, to limit the physical possibilities of life, I felt pulled off the mountain.

It took almost fourteen years to come to a point where, for the most part, I could balance all the axis of my life.  I was conscious and actively participating in life.  Challenges would come up, and for a while there were no mountaintops.  Yet, this was a very short and temporary thing.  The problems were within the realm of my experience.  The tools I had to deal with them were at hand.  It was familiar territory.  Before I knew it, I was back experiencing those timeless moments of connectedness.  In fact, more so after the crises.

A brush with mortality.

These recent crises were new.  They involved another set of balances to be added to my life.  Too much one way, and now instead of getting to a place where I was physically uncomfortable and temporarily limited, these felt more serious, more life and death.  To put it simply, I re-experienced my own mortality.  I knew again what it was to look at the possibility of a limited time on earth.

Forgetting to look outward

With these new problems came the immediate reaction; I went back into survival mode.  Survival-mode is a funny thing.  In order to protect myself from what I perceived as outside problems, I curled back into myself.  All this really does is prevent me from looking toward those things that can make me feel less threatened; connections with other people, friendships, the support of a community.  The tighter I curled up, the less open I was to the very things that restored me before.

I even remember a time very similar, when the act of service to another (giving a stranger a 130-mile ride), broke me out of that time in the valley.  Yet, why did I not do the same thing this time.  Because I was curled up and watching my back instead of watching how I might serve others.

So, now that I knew the road-map I had, I could change direction.  I could choose a different outlook, and if I didn't end up in the mountains again, at least I would recognize them when they came again.

Turnabout - Heading in a new direction is sometimes painful


So what turned me about this time.  It was a moment of sheer physical pain.  Again, I won't go into details, but that moment of pain seemed to shock my system awake.  Things started moving again.  This wash of emotions cam over me.  Like a torrent, it blasted all this stagnant, survival-mode crash position perceptions away.  It was an emotional catharsis.  At one point, it was so powerful that once again I turned outward and fervently welcomed God, something larger than myself, to help me out.  Though I was alone, I felt once again connected.  As the tears stopped and the breathing resumed, I was again me.  The me who experiences mountains everyday.  

Since then, I have seen again the playful presence behind the laughing eyes of a dog.  The sheer moments of loving-kindness between friends, the giggling of children, the peace of the birds in flight.


I realize these things never left.  I just got caught in the self-sustaining cycle of survival and forgot and denied my life, or the living of it.

Yet, now I know there will always be the mountains, but that there will always be the valleys as well.  And I hope that this long journey back will remind me again to hope, to persevere in the valleys.

Willingness versus Will-fullness.
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"I know now how to do it.  I know where I made my mistakes.  This time it will be better!"

"God helps those who help themselves!"

"If all else fails, then I will give the God thing an try."

"I am a mighty warrior for God!  Look at all the things I have done!"

This is really a problem area for me.  It is.   I have two choices that seem, on the surface, to be contradictory.

I can be Willing.

You have all heard it.  Just wait upon the Lord.  Seek for those signs.  Wait for God.  Be available.  Be willing.

Yet, how?   I mean, do I just show up at church events, Sunday school,  and sit on the pews waiting for God to use me?  How about walking out into the center of town, and sit on a bench in the park and just wait for something to happen.  I know, let me go and sit in a chapel in a hospital and wait for God to instruct me on what to do.  I will need to reorganize my schedule.  Nothing should get in the way of my availability for God right!  I mean, I can put off that vacation and volunteer right?   I can't start anything because I don't know if it is God inspired or God's will.   I can't make a mistake.  What if it is just my will?

Lots of what ifs.  Lots of passivity.  Lots of fears of making the wrong move, so I wait until God moves first.

Yes, I know this is unrealistic.  It is taking willingness to a whole new level.

The assumption that Willingness begins from is that we need to be viilant, available, aware, and willing to do God's will when we see it in our lives.  As you can see, it can degrade into a passivity with life in general.  It becomes an excuse to not do things.  To not try.

Let's look at will-fullness taken to the same level.

I can be will-full.

"Just do it"

"Go for gold"

"God or Bust!"

There is a part of me who sees something that should be done and wants to do it.  Very little planning or rational thought goes into this.  Sometimes I just jump.   Later, when I am way over my head I ask the questions like "Wasn't this what God wished for me to do?  I mean I was helping people after all.   Sounds like it was God's will."

The underlying assumption in being willfull is that we are an active partner with God and therefore we don't have to wait for inspiration, but just begin to do something.  I have nothing against this assumption.  Sounds pretty good.  But just like "Willingness" described above, it can lead to a life based on action and not contemplation.  Asking how God fits in after plunging in.  Making sure that God is still in our corner, when the boxing gloves come off.

Now both being Willing and Willfull have their place.  In fact, this whole Christian journey wouldn't get very far without them.

Willingness allows us to see the needs in the world; and gives us the possibility that it may be us who may address these needs.   Otherwise, we are armchair Christians, mouthing the words about that needs to be done but doing nothing.

Will-fullness provides the power, the motivation, the drive to act on those perceived needs.   God did not create us with no will at all.  We have the power to make decisions, to take action.  We can do.

Yet, both of these are necessary to counterbalance the other.

Our willingness may be there to change our minds about the course we have started (we have willed).  Perhaps it is a path which is better for us and the world than the one we acted on.  We have to be open to this possibility.  We need to be willing to reevaluate.

We also need to be will-full to check the tendency to remain static, or even paralyzed in making a decision about what to do.  We need the motivation to act on new circumstances.  To change our path when necessary.

Our willingness introduces us to where we can be useful, and our will acts on it.  Both necessary.  Both harmful when taken to an extreme.

What a mystical experience feels like.

What a mystical experience feels like.

Let me first say that all people have mystical experiences.  No really.  They do.

A mystical experience is one in which you experience feelings, thoughts, sights, sounds that cannot be explained; or rather, are outside your realm of experience. 

Your first crush on someone was a mystical experience.  There were feelings that overwhelmed your heart.  Sensations that coursed through your body.  There was an overwhelming sense that you were plugged into something so much more powerful than you.  This is a mystical experience. 

For mothers and fathers, oftentimes the birth of their child is a wholly and singly powerful experience.  In a moment, their outlook, their feelings, their motivations, their thoughts, their entire contract with reality changes.  Some parents literally have a moment out of time.  Everything slows down; and what occurs is a suspended moment of bliss.   Indescribable joy.  Unlimited Love.  This is truly a mystical experience.

Though these experiences are not limited to those above.  You can have a mystical moment looking at a tree, reading a book, looking at a photo, listening to a song.  Remember the definition.  It is simply an experience that transports us to a place unknown and unexplainable.

So what is one of my mystical experiences?

I used to work at a summer camp.  It is a Lutheran camp that caught and held my heart and my service for my childhood, young-adult and college years.  Once I graduated, life took over and I did not go back, even for a retreat for 16 years.   Then I just decided one summer to volunteer for a week.  Here is where the mystical experience comes in.

This is the body of an email I wrote to a dear friend of mine after that experience. 
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"What can I even say about the 5 days I got to spend in among such wonderful and loving people in such a blessed place?

What I did was listen to people's stories...their moments with God; their contact with the seen and unseen; their love for each other; their service. With each interaction and each story, these people became the saints, the fellowship of all believers, the people of God. Truly, they were so filled with love and the richness of their experiences, that it was impossible not to fall in love with each and every one. The people there are the embodiment of what can happen when Love and Service become living things; part of the fabric and makeup of each one!

I slipped into that loving community, not as a stranger, nor outsider, but as a welcome friend. To the staff I was just another staff. To the campers, just another camper. To the pastors and sponsors, just another pastor.

I felt like no other time the physical presence of God. My being was attuned to another world. I could feel the emotions, the joys, the trials, the pains of other people there. I had empathy like never before. It was unbelievable.

And these people, these staff were of such quality, such richness that I was moved many a time to tears.

It was simply and life-changingly amazing!"

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I did forget to point out another characteristic of a mystical experience.   
After the experience, you feel more connected to something greater than yourself. 

If the mystical experience happens with people, you feel a greater sense of community.  The ties that were there are stronger, and new ties are forged.  If it is in solitude, the strands that tie nature, the world, your soul, your mind, your heart are strengthened.

With these characteristics in mind; remember the mystical experiences that you have had.

God is Patient and Kind....

 

Paraphrase/Modification of 1st Corinthians 13:4




" 4 God is patient, God is kind. God does not envy, God does not boast, God is not proud. 5 God does not dishonor others, God is not self-seeking, God is not easily angered, God keeps no record of wrongs. 6 God does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 God always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

What concept of God do we have?  What do we think about when we think of God?

I know that for myself, my concept of God came from the Old Testament stories.  God was a burning bush, a frightful and awe-inpiring Father of Heaven, The Great IAM, the Alpha and Omega.  Now I also realize that my picture of God was also of an old man with a long white beard who reigned on a golden throne surrounded by angels.

In this country, I would bet that that is fairly close to many people's vision or concept of God.  Yet, that model (The Great Father/Creator) has with it it's own limitations.

If our concept of God is based on a father figure, then the same limitations that are in our own family relationships are defacto in our relationship with God.  Even a perfect father figure we can only imagine to the point that we have felt a father who has given unconditional love, unconditional support.  All fathers, or parents in general, cannot live up to that ideal.  So when we have felt conditional love from a parent, it shapes that relationship with God (using that Father/Creator model).  Every dashed hope, conditional behavior, restriction or discipline we felt growing up is always in the back of our minds then when we relate to God.

For those people who did not have good parents, or parents at all, the problem becomes even more insideous.  God then becomes a punishing or withholding God because that is our experience with our earthly parents. 

At some point, this model of Father/Creator, must change or we will be unconsciously placing restrictions on God's love for us.

In the paraphrase and modification of 1st Corinthians above, I would argue that the vision of God, the model that we need to move into is one where God is Love.  Any passage from the Bible that mentions Love, we should be able to substitute "God".   By doing so, we are opening up God, or our vision of God, in order that we may see the unconditional character of God's affection and love for us.

Let me restate the passage again:

" 4 God is patient, God is kind. God does not envy, God does not boast, God is not proud. 5 God does not dishonor others, God is not self-seeking, God is not easily angered, God keeps no record of wrongs. 6 God does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 God always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

This God is now more than the great Father/Master/King.  Though all those things are still true.  The focus has shifted to the character of God and away from the Image of God.

God's character is now highlighted by the following traits:

Patience, Kindness, envy-less, boast-less, humble, honoring all others, seeking the best for others, not getting angry, not keeping tally of the wrongs nor sins.  God delights now with truth.  God protects.  God trusts.  God hopes, and God endures always.

Does this not also sound like the God from the Bible?  It is.   The focus has changed but God has not.  Our concept of God has changed but God has not.

What does this new conceptualization, new model of God affect us now?  One Answer!  "Unconditional Love".  That is what God is.  God loves period.  God doesn't love in spite of.  God doesn't love because we love him.  God Loves.  It is a fact.  There is no because.  There is no set of conditions.  When God said "I am that I am" God could have been saying "I love that I love" and it would mean the same!

God is love.
(John 3:16; Romans 5:8; 1 John 4:8)

-more later.

Self-Inspiration

Yes.  I know that all inspiration can be said to come from within and not from without.  However, when I talk about self-inspiring thoughts, I am refferring to those things within yourself that you tap into, in order to reach an inspired state.

Several blogs I have done have had to do with being inspired by people, places, nature, etc.  A wonderful sunset, or the ducks playing in the water, a baby laughing and others have the ability to inspire.  True.  Oft times I do not have immediate access to these things.  Sometimes in the lazy boy or laying down in bed I still want to be inspired.   This is when I participate in self-inspiration.

It starts with the desire to be inspired.  Sometimes I don't have that desire.  Let's face it.  And that's OK.  But when I do want new ideas, new vistas, new revelations, new motivations then that is a different story.  Then it begins with a change of thought.

The easiest way to explain changing my thoughts is that I build a thought-vision.  A daydream. 
I create a movie script or short story in my mind.  I place myself in a vision in which I am inspiring others or they are inspiring me.  This can also include visions where I love and am loved by others. 

There are a couple of rules to building this daydream though.  No Negative Thoughts!  No Bad Outcomes!  No Self-Criticism.   Which means, this is a true daydream.  I do not need to justify its contents, or explain it to yourself in any way.  Any never do I say, "Even though this will never happen....." or "This is impossible but....."
The purpose of the daydream is to re-inspire me.  It is to infuse my life with the feeling of being spirit-filled.

For example:

I come back and back to a vision of myself volunteering at a woman's shelter.  I am sitting taking notes, taking and intake, and I hear a joke being told by one of the children.  Suddenly this gurgling laughter wells up inside of me, overflowing in loud guffaws.  I cannot help myself from laughing.  At first there is a silence with the rest of the people there; but from second to second I see the corners of the children's mouths turn up.  A few begin to laugh quietly; and upon seeing that I literally cannot stop myself from laughing, they begin to relax into true laughter.  The mothers and some of the staff start laughing too.  A wave of good-natured humor spreads throughout the room.   I see the sparkles in the children's eyes and the deep relaxed sighs of the women.

It sounds too simple to be somethings that inspires me; but while I was writing the above, I felt so full of inspiration that tears started flowing.  No kidding.  That daydream of bringing joy to them never fails to inspire me that that is my life's purpose.  Helping others.

Another daydream is of me in front of High School and College students, giving a motivational speech.  In it I am talking about the worthiness and value of each and every life.  We talk about the skills and talents each has, and how they are affected and changed when they get to share these with others.  The students give their own stories and I watch as one story from one student inspires another.  The feeling of closeness and understanding among them build and when they relate the very emotional and pain filled moments of their lives, the others reach out and hug and hold, touch and affirm them.   I feel the compassion and empathy from them all.  They quickly go from being strangers to something more. 

Again, it sounds quite simple; and in both cases somewhat ego-centric on my part; but, it has impact.  It inspires me.  The dreams of affecting and being affected in the process of teaching, preaching, praying, laughing, playing and working with people has always inspired. 

The best part about participating in these daydreams is that I can do it at any time.  When I need a motivational boost to when I feel depressed.  The funny thing is though; by going through these daydreams, when I am around nature, the sky, the earth, people, communities, families, friends I find it easier to be inspired by them.  It is as if the inner inspiration primes the pump to experience it outside myself.

Plus, I just like to daydream.

Love at a Distance

Love At a Distance

I've written about the effect that love has on people.  Quite a bit in fact.  However, there are times that you never need to come into contact with someone to affect their lives, and they yours.  Let's call this "Love at a Distance."
 
We affect everything by our thoughts.  Whether we know it or not.  It is not so much of a stretch to think that we can also affect people though our thoughts of love about them and to them, without even talking.

Norman Vincent Peale had the right idea when he spoke of the many instances where changes were made in another person's actions by thinking positive thoughts toward that person.  Even though no talking took place, a change happened.

In one of his illustrations, he talked about encountering another driver, while out on the highway.  Norman was going somewhere unfamiliar, with trust map in hand and entered the freeway.  This other driver cut him off, slowed down when Norman needed to speed up, switched lanes when he wanted to exit.  Norman was not blameless.  The more aggressive the other drive got, the more he did too.  Then he was cut off, he started cursing the other guy under his breath.  When he wanted to enter a lane and was blocked he rammed down on his horn.  It just escalated from there.  Finally, Norman realized that he was getting no where with this one-upsmanship on the road.  He slowed down and started talking, in his car, to the other driver.  Calmly he told the other driver to take the lead.  That he was sorry for all the bad things he thought about him on the freeway.  That he should have a good day, and be safe on the road.  In fact, Norman went so far as to wish him in his heart a great and joyful day.

Well, they both happened to turn off on the same road, and Norman stopped to look at his map.  The man in the other car pulled over too, and asked him if he could give him any directions or help him in any way.  The change in the behavior of that man  Norman attributed to the change in his attitude toward him.

Now we are talking about Love at a Distance and not a good attitude at a distance, but it works much the same way.  Our thoughts of unconditional positive regard (the psychological definition of love) radiates out from us in ways that are not limited to talk, touch, feel.  In fact, I would go so far as to say there are no limits to how this attitude expands and touches all around us.

Have you ever started thinking about someone you wished would contact you, and then you get a card in the mail from them.  Or how about when you think that you really need to apologize to a good friend, and you battle with yourself over calling, but then they call you. 

But let's talk about love now.  What if you have burned bridges with someone.  They won't accept your calls.  They don't send you mail.  What then?  How can you ask for forgiveness and rebuild that bridge when communication just isn't there?

If we believe that love, unconditional positive regard, can be shared with another, even if that other person is out of sight, out of touch, even out of the country, then there are active things we can do to Love at a Distance.

Change our inner conversations about that person

Our present attitudes are habits, built from the feedback of parents, friends, society and self, that form our self-image and our world-image.  These attitudes are maintained by the inner conversations we constantly have with ourselves, both consciously and subconsciously.  Our attitudes about others are also build from these inner conversations.  So change the conversation.  Instead of thinking how the other person won't contact you because they are stubborn, a jerk, etc, replace it with an inner conversation with that person that focuses on the wonderful characteristics they have, the ones that may have made them friends in the first place.  

Actually have the conversation.  Talk to them like you would if they were in the same room with you.
Don't let blame and guilt, finger-pointing come into your conversation with their virtual selves.  Only focus on what you would like to see accomplished if you saw each other.  How your friendship means so much, and all the shared great memories.  Apologize to them for any thing you have done wrong.  Tell them that their greatest happiness is your greatest goal.  





Continue the conversation as the days go on.  Visualize that all wrongs are forgiven, and you are back in the friendship. 







If it is a relative stranger, the same applies.  Have the virtual conversation.  Talk to them about the same things.  Wish them happiness.  Wish them peace.  Surround them with your visions of them being happy.  Of them getting along with you.  Put yourself into the picture in your mind.


Whatever the greatest thing you wish for yourself, wish more for them.

Again, without ever needing to speak or see the other person, visualize them receiving all the things that you wish for yourself.  Success, friends, peace of mind, humor, laughter, love.  Include them in your daydreams of you receiving these things.  Imagine all the ways that, if you saw them again, you could participate in providing these things to them.


Pray


Whether in prayer or meditation or simple quiet time, include these people in your thoughts.  Visualize them surrounded by unconditional love  See them in your mind's eye as receiving that unconditional love; of having that seep into every cell; of the perfect situations, people, plans that would assure them of that love.  Pray for the ability for them to see all the times, the opportunities to experience that grace.

When the time comes to speak to them, don't miss it!
Very often, a time will come when you will have a chance to speak with them.  Be ready.  By this time, your inner conversations, desires and prayers have prepared not only them but you for a conversation full of positive regard, healing and love.  Even if it is only a few words, let them come from your heart.  You never know, but that it may spawn more such opportunities.  It may be the start of reconciliation.


 

Saturday Morning Routine

Saturday mornings I have gotten into a habit, a pattern of behavior.  While I live in the country, I get in my car and drive to a nearby town; go to my favorite restaurant, and eat breakfast, leisurely.

Before the waitress even arrives, I am slowing down my breathing; taking longer and deeper breaths.  I look at the menu, even though I end up ordering the same thing every time.  Sometimes a book keeps me company.  Something that is inspirational, emotional, moving.  Sometimes, I re-read posts from Facebook; from those people who never fail to make me smile as I read about them.

Some of the waitresses I know.  A pleasant chat about what's going on in their lives; a shared joke, a story, etc.  In between I stare outside, seeing the few people walking down the streets and wondering what their day will be like.

The ice tea arrives, and I get the first taste of the slightly sweetened, and slightly lemon icy taste of it.  Something else settles down in my soul.  A sense of comfort and peace starts welling up.

I can hardly await the food.  I know it will be fantastic, and not just because I am hungry and have waited to have a late breakfast.

When it arrives, I put the book aside, the people-watching ceases momentarily.  Food needs to be prepared.  The kitchen does this well, but I put my own finishing touches to it.  The fruit usually comes first.  It's sweet and textured taste, crisp for some and soft and melting for others, fills my palate.  I eat about half, knowing the hot food is cooling.

The main course is prepared; a salsa placed on my migos, a separation made between the hot and cold fruit, so no tastes mix on the plate.  Then the first bite of the hot food.  Ah.... The textures of the tortillas, eggs, spices, cheese.  Each has a place on the tongue.  Each is a note in the symphony of taste.

After some time, I switch back to the fruit.  It cleanses the palate.  It resets the taste buds.  A bit of ice tea.  A pause.  Then back to the migos.   It's a pattern.  A play.

All the while, my people watching or book reading or chatting continues.  While the tastes and textures of the food excite my mouth, the tapestry of  life around me excites my soul.

The woman walking along the sidewalk happens upon a good friend, also out for the morning; and the small joyful reunion ensues.

The couple that just came in the restaurant with their child brings the thought that I will hear laughter from both child and parents at some point.  Rarely am I dissapointed.

The older couple at one of the other tables, not saying much of anything, yet constantly in some kind of contact with one another.  Their hands resting on top of the each others.  Their legs or feet touching slightly under the table.  I imagine what kind of life they have been through to so weave their lives and love together.

There is often banter between the cook and waitress.  Good natured kidding.  It feels warm.  It feels like family.  Inside jokes, witty comebacks.  It reminds me of my brother and sister and how we bantered about.

Sometimes a phrase from a book or a post catches me off-guard.  I see something differently.  I feel something deep respond.  Amongst this life, this food, these people, a change has occurred within.

"it is those moments where some reminder brings awareness to all that is beautiful and miraculous."  a post by a friend on Facebook.

"Yes", I respond internally.  I have a name for the Saturday morning custom.   I am not seeking, but finding nonetheless the reminders in a morning meal, in a small town restaurant, in people around that all is beautiful and miraculous.  

A shiver goes down my spine.  I take a deep breath, as the peace of life settles in.

 

How you Approach Life.

I knew a valley person who saw the world as surrounded by obstacles.  Wherever she looked, she saw the sides of rock walls, the unclimbable sides of mountains.  She is a valley person. 

Her conversations were all about how this person or that person brought trouble to her life.  How she would be so much better off if Mr. X never talked to her again.  How Bank Y just didn't understand that she had the money in by the end of the day, but still got charged an overdraft.  Her children treated her like a slave, a maid.  Everything in the world was out to get her, to make her life hard.

She would get a cold and immediately think that if it turned into the flu, she just couldn't miss that time at work.  They would fire her.  Perhaps it was H1N1.  And so on.........

When moments of opportunity, or even rest and recreation came up, she did not notice them; or noticing, only saw them as things which should be avoided.  A nap couldn't be taken, because it would be interrupted.  A vacation could not begin because there was just too much to do.  A massage or a day at the spa was unaffordable.  A morning brunch with friends would take up too much time.

I knew another valley person.  No matter where she turned, she saw the beauty of mountains, the lushness of the grass on the hills, the splendor of snow on the peaks.

In her approach to others, she was graceful, patient, understanding.  Talking with her made you feel better, made you feel listened to and respected.  She could be found always talking.  Many times, she would talk at length with strangers as though they were the best of friends. 

Opportunities would arise for her and she would be off teaching night classes, delivering Meals on Wheels, playing with children in the park, feeding the geese.   When she got a cold, it would turn into bronchitis.  She had had breathing problems her whole life.  Yet, even amidst the short breaths, and at times, exhausting coughing, she kept seeing the beautiful mountains.

Did the first women never have moments of bliss?  I am sure she did.  Did she laugh uproariously.  Yes.  Had she ever experienced love and belonging.  Again, I have no doubt. 

Did the second women ever huddle in fear?  Or cry out in pain of loss?  Did she ever have to face humiliation or shame?  Again, assuredly. 

The approach to life in each was what made the difference.  Not the bad things that happened, nor the losses nor gains in each created their lives.  One life seemed based on an assumption that she lived in a hostile or cruel world.  The other that she lived in a benevolent one. 

Einstein said, "There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." 


While that is denying the whole range of approached to life, it does highlight the fact that we all have a base motivation, a base assumption about life.  For some, everything is a miracle.  For others, a burden.  For most of us, at some time, both.


Yet, if we make a decision to consciously choose the kind world, the loving stranger, the miraculous everyday, we are likely to experience more of it.