Fear as a Motivator

I have written about when fear should be overcome with love, cancelled out by the opposite emotion, and not have decisions based on fear in your life.

I have to backtrack just a little.

There are times that fear as a motivator does work very well indeed.   In fact, there are some moments that it is indeed the exact way to react.

I have a friend that had her daughter accosted by an adult because of a comment she made to her son.   The woman called the girl over and proceeded to berate and harass her.   The mother, acting on that protective instinct, put herself between the woman and my friend's daughter.   Any parent would probably do the same.   A threat of any type directed toward a person's child does require an immediate response.

Other time there may be a child playing in the street, a person who might get burned on a stove, or an elderly or disabled person being bullied or even abused by another.   All these situations require fast action.  They may indeed require fear.

If there were time, and the level of threat, or perceived injustice were smaller, then a loving response could indeed change things.   With split second actions required, fear is perfectly fine as a motivator.

After the threat has been addressed, then a loving and fair approach to the situation may be employed.

If you can, overcome fear with love.   If not, respond to fear, up until the point where fear either disappears because there is no longer any threat or chance of injury,  or where fear is still present even after the immediate threat is addressed, let time and patience  be employed to once again overcome fear with love.

Talent - Everyone has some.

Each of us really is talented.

I have heard so many people say that they have no talent, no gifts, no strengths.   It is amazing how many people are firmly convinced that they have no talent at all.

I sometimes teach pottery classes.   There have been students that were so negative, that they almost talked them out of even trying to throw the first piece.   Yet, I do not teach the mind of the students.   I teach the body.   It is the fingers and wrists, arms and palms, body position and posture that really determine how well one can throw.   Once they can center the clay once, if allowed, the body remembers and can do it again.

That is the problem with people who think they have no talent.  They are limiting themselves by THINKING that they have no talent.  Yet, their spirit knows different.

If we are like what we came from, and we came from God, then we have to have the following somewhere within us:

1.  The ability to create something, to bring together unrelated pieces and form something new.
2.  Imagination that can conceive of whatever we believe we can conceive.
3.  The urge, the motivation and the satisfaction in the process of creation.
4.  A strong desire to show others how to create for themselves.

If this is true (and I wholeheartedly agree with it) then anyone has the talent to create.   Anyone.

If you can make people laugh, you have talent.
Baking bread (because I cannot to save my life) means that you have talent.
Raising children means that you really have talent.
Finding the most economic way to get to and from work means you have talent.
Blogging means that you have talent.
Twittering means that you have talent.
Being a good sister or brother, son or daughter, mother or father means that you have talent.
Being a football referee (especially in Texas) means that you have talent.  (And a lot of courage).
Cleaning a house really well means that you have a ton of talent.

But in addition to these examples, anything that you have done, even once, to add to the world something new, then you have the talent to do it again.

No one has no talent at all.   In fact, if you find such a person, then they are perfectly talented at being the absolute best general student for all those others that wish to teach their talents.   A most talented student indeed.

"You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of.

"You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. 
You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life." - Albert Camus


If anything would convict me of what I am doing wrong, it is the above quote from Albert Camus.


I have sought long and hard to discover what happiness is and what it is not.  I have looked everywhere for the meaning of life.   Yet, it is not in the search for these things that I find them.   In fact, happiness and meaning occur when I am not trying, not doing anything.  When I am just being.


I have written other blogs about being vs. doing, but this one is a little different.   I want to talk about how I am persuaded to do something to get results, rather than choose to be happy, to have meaning.


Why am I always doing something to find or discover or build something else?


I was taught throughout my life to "go out and get it!"  "Anything is possible with hard work."  "Nothing gets done by sitting on your butt."   These all are true.   They really are.   You cannot get a job if you sit on top of a mountain somewhere and commune with the universe.   Those jobs are already taken.  It is also impossible to fulfill your goals by doing nothing.   I agree wholeheartedly.   I think that this misses the point a little though.


When I act on something, a feeling, a motivation, a thought, I almost always include my ego with this decision.  This is not a good thing.   The ego wants to see results.  When that happens, the ego makes it difficult not to tie feelings of self-worth into whatever activity I am doing.


If I try for a job and don't get it, my ego is hurt.   I am unhappy.   Why?  Logically, the more interviews I go on, the closer to a job I get.   Why not celebrate the fact that I am one job closer to narrowing the field down to the job I will eventually find.    


If I try to be happy and I fail, then I not be happy.  This sounds simple, but anything I go for, anything I do to accomplish something means that I take the risk of not accomplishing it.   When that happens it affects my feelings of self-worth.   

On the other hand, when I am happy, or feel like I am living a meaningful life, the ego it not attached to that.   Why, because I am not doing anything.   How can the ego judge what works and what doesn't work; how can it get frustrated when there are no overriding goals, when there is no doing involved.

I read a little about something called the Law of Assumption.   It basically says that if you act as if you already have or are what you wish to be, that you will be that.   If you act from a place of peace, regardless of what you do, you bring peace with you to that activity.  


So I tell myself to go and make plans;  sketch out the future and do those things that need to be done.   In the process, I tell myself to act from a place of peace, out of a sense of abundance, with an assumption that I am a loving and caring being.   It makes the doing of things so much easier.   My ego is not tied as closely to the outcomes of doing things then.  My self-worth is not dependent on what I get or do not get accomplished.


The meaning of life happens in knowing.   The happiness of life is a choice to be happy.   Neither of them is a goal, a race or a contest to get them.   They are a choice, an act of will, a state of being.




 

Gratitude - The Flip Side of Love

Gratitude doesn't get quite the face time that Love does, does it?  

There are songs, poems, books, movies, etc. about love.   It has been described every way that you can describe it.   Yet, because of love, we have gratitude, and without gratitude, love would be something far less than it is.

Gratitude is the flip-side of love.  The Ying to the Yang of love.  One motivates the other.  This is true in the microcosm of a relationship and in the macrocosm of what we have been given in this world by God.

Within a relationship, be it romantic, platonic, with relatives or even strangers, love provides the motivation for the giving to another and gratitude is the response to that giving.   Imagine that love is the sun that gives warmth and light to a flower.    Gratitude is the flower's response by growing into what it was meant to be.  
Just like us, when we realize the love we receive from another, we grow into appreciation and gratitude as we realize the power and wonder of that love.   It may be said that those expressions of love would not last very long if we were never grateful for them.

Within the world, sometimes we come to a place where we realize the true depth and grandeur of what we have right now.   Again, everything we have right now was given to us by God.   For some of these, we received it through God working within our friends, family, community, etc.   Just like in relationships, we respond with the realization that these are gifts of grace, expressions of the love of the universe (God) for us.   Gratitude we feel for these gifts completes the other side of love, and moves us and motivates us out of that gratitude to once again send out love.

Therefore, gratitude and love are two parts of an endless cycle.   Love creates gratitude that promotes another act of love that creates gratitude and so on.  It is true that we love because we have been loved.   The missing and often forgotten component between those two expressions of love is gratitude.

Be grateful.  

Start by Doing What's Necessary

“Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible.” - St. Francis of Assisi


Nothing is impossible.   That is what I am beginning to understand.   


Yet how do I start to do the impossible?   It is not like I can leap tall buildings in a single bound or cure all the disease in the world.   It would be nice...don't get me wrong.   


I think ol' Francis had the right idea.   The larger issues in this life may seem too large for any one person to handle.   I know that that is what it feel like to me.   But instead of being overwhelmed by the needs of everyone, I am reminded to do what I can do.   I can start by doing what is necessary.


What is necessary is that I do for my family.   We come together if there is a problem with one of us and if we can we try to address it.   Anyone one do the same.   I also do for myself.   It is not self-centered to provide for yourself.   You cannot feed one person by being poor.   You cannot get so depressed that you can help another that is depressed.   


Sometimes things come up that are beyond self or family that have to be addressed.   The blatant cruelty, or injustice that we may come upon.   Child abuse, spousal abuse, bullying, violence, an attempt at suicide.   Sometimes we are there and we need to intervene.   It is doing what is necessary.


Then we can do what is possible.   It may not be possible for me to feed all the hungry even in my home town.   However, I can buy and extra box of granola bars or oatmeal when I go shopping and give them to the food pantry, or keep breakfast bars in my car and give them to people on the street corners that ask for help.  I can donate my time to help out the elderly or teach another to read.   In fact, if I really try, I can come up with a list of thousands of things that I can do right now.


When we accept that we must to the necessary and can do the possible, suddenly there comes a time when all of those things add up, and all the other people who feel the same way have achieved what was once considered impossible.


Is it impossible to eradicate hunger in a town.   Just use the Internet and see how many food programs were started by either one or a handful of people.  Most did not start out with the idea to eradicate a social problem, but they did either in part or in full.   Some would have considered it impossible.   It is not.   It just takes a desire, a possibility, and a vision.


Perhaps ol' Francis had it right.   Do the necessary...the possible...and the impossible will take care of itself.

Humbled by those that are humble.

Giving among the needy.

It was quite an eye-opening experience, working in a food pantry.  

There were several people working there; some of the workers those that needed food themselves.   Though they worked just as hard if not harder than the rest of us.

It was a place not of depression, nor sadness nor despair.   Instead, the families that were there for food, they had smiles, were laughing, sociable.   It was not what I expected, but something that I should have not been surprised.  These were people in need, yet they did more to lift my emotions and make me feel better than I did just providing them food.

I also got the opportunity to see some of the families interacting with each other when I took a break.   Some of the families got larger deserts than others, and I saw some of them swap with those families that had more children.   Such a simple kindness, yet very representative of the feeling of giving and thanks that was present at that food pantry.

I must say that I am truly humbled.   I did not know that the most giving and thoughtful of us all were the ones that were in the most need.   It is not I who served them, but they who taught me to appreciate what I have and to give with a joyful heart.

Give from the Abundance within You

"Give from the Abundance within You"

I heard this from a talk on giving abundantly.   It made an impression.   The speaker's point was that in the process of giving abundantly, of your gifts, talents, time, strength, and yes, pocketbook, that you will feel that same abundance come back to you.

I know what you are thinking.  I thought the same thing.   "What comes around goes around."  "Give and it will be given unto you."  "Giving is reciprocal!"

Yet, there is always that little voice inside that says, "If I give this away I will no longer have it."  "What if I need it later?"  "If I give out of my abundance to everyone, then I will soon end up with nothing at all."

I tell you now, that voice is still there.   It is still very loud.  It dissuades me still from giving out of my abundance.   Yet, I try to overcome it.   I have thought long and hard, and then I have felt long and hard about what it means to be able to give.   Not what it means to give.   We all know that.   Really, what does it mean to have the ability, the very motivation, to begin the action of giving?

1.  Being in the position to give simply means that some part of me recognizes that I am blessed with more than another might have.  

No matter how bad I have been in debt, how tired and worn, how sick, how incapacitated; I have know those around me that had it worse than me.   Being able to see me situation in that frame of reference, some of my fear and insecurities turned to gratitude.   First there was that relief that I was not as bad off as that other person, but then the realization that I could be that other person.   One missed paycheck, one wrong turn, one hospital bill more; I am that other person.   Finally, the thankfulness, the awareness of the grace that I am as blessed as I am.  That is gratitude.

2.  An awareness that I can give, that I have the ability and the resources to give, brings about another change in perspective.   At that point, I see that I can choose to see myself as the source for others of those things I feel I lack in my life. 

What this does is change my thoughts from, "I don't have enough!" to "You no longer need to feel like you do not have enough!"  This change in fundamental.  In allowing another to experience what I wish to experience, I am shifting the focus from me to another, from my scarcity to another's experience of abundance.

By seeing myself as the source of what I lack, I no longer lack it.   This is subtle, I know.  But true.  I cannot give something away (even if it is a buck) if I truly feel that I do not have it.   Therefore, by giving it away, I am telling myself in no uncertain terms that I, in fact, do have it to give away.

3.  In that position and possibility of giving to another, I recognize that that other person and myself are connected.   No matter who that other person might be, we have the same needs, the same desires.   We both want to see ourselves and our families fed, clothed, sheltered.  We both realize that everything changes.  Our life might be up one day and down another.  We might have plenty and the next hour nothing at all.  When I recognize the similarities, the connectedness with another, it is so much easier to give.  Since we both came from the same source, and are going back to the same source; since we each have this short life within eternity, how can I not be motivated to help another.   In essence, I am helping myself.

I hope that his holiday find you in an abundant state of mind.

Part II - Not Talking about Faith

I got a great response from this first post.   When I asked why people don't talk about faith, but are willing to talk about everything else.


One guy said, "Talking about faith for some people is like talking about erectile dysfunction.  Most of us got to face it at some point in our lives, but it makes us acutely uncomfortable to share with other people."


What a response!


I just wonder why our society, which is based on "One Country Under God" and has as it's foundation one of the few spiritual contracts, the Constitution, that we are so uncomfortable talking about our faith.


I am a little different.   I admit it.   I grew up around the church, around pastors and workers in churches.   Conversations about God and my faith have been a part of my life since 4th grade.   I am very comfortable talking about it.   However, I am truly curious why it is so difficult for others.


So far I have the following reasons:


1.  While we can change our minds about the weather, politics, the price of gas, our favorite color even, without fear of being attacked, we feel that our faith (whatever it may be) cannot be changed and perhaps shouldn't be changed because of what others feel about it.


2.  For some of us, it is difficult to put into words what our faith really is about.   Some have a "feeling" or a "conviction" but have never needed to describe it using words.   Others just don't know what their faith really is and are uncomfortable speaking about it.


3.  Some of us feel that our faith is too personal to talk about with anyone.   It is something that is beyond personal, beyond words.   It is an intimate relationship with the infinite.

4.  Some of us have been burned by people in the church.  We have been judged and do not want to go through that again.


I respect all of these reasons.   I really do.   However, it is still a little frustrating when I have a true desire to understand other people's faiths.   But, I will be patient.

Why people don't like to talk about Faith

Recently, several people I have encountered have been very hesitant talking with me about their faith.   Some of these people are perfectly comfortable telling me their views on politics, sports, the government, etc.   Yet, when I ask them about what they believe, they instantly close up.

Is this because they are afraid of being judged, or were judged harshly in the past? 

There was one person who said, almost apologetically, that she was an agnostic.   Her whole body sort of cringed up, got smaller as she said this.   My first thought was that someone in her life really cam down hard on her for what she believed.   

Another lady is very outspoken, loves to tell stories and going into long diatribes about her trips, vacations, friend and family.   Yet, when the subject of her beliefs came up, she replied that she was shy, and didn't want to talk about it.

I am asking of everyone.   If I am truly curious about what someone believes, would like to understand them better, and get closer to them as a friend, how do I do this in a way that does not threaten or make them uncomfortable.

I don't care what they believe or not believe.   It actually helps my faith to learn about other people's faith.   Yet, how do I get that across to others?   I am not asking to hurt, to separate, to belittle or to judge.  

Sometimes, people do open up.   When that happens, I feel privileged to hear it.  I feel closer to them. 

So if anyone has some advice, I would love to hear it.  

Co-Creation: A Matter of Perspective.

I have heard that God helps those who help themselves.  

What does this mean.   Does it mean that I won't get any assistance from God unless I do something first?  Perhaps it means that the only way God chooses to manifest God's power is through our actions.   What then is the role of prayer, if nothing happens until we do something.   Is prayer that something.   Or do we have to be proactive before we can request something from God?

It is all very confusing. 

Is God a God of loving and caring, or one who counts the times we take action to do something to get ourselves out of whatever trouble we are experiencing?

So far, this is what I have come up with to help explain it to myself.   As readers, you are just along for the ride.   This is really a conversation with myself.

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When things start happening, and change comes; I can look back on those events that precipitated it and most of the time I see God's hand in it.   It seems that, indeed, nothing happens until something moves.  Thus Einstein said of the universe in his theory of relativity.  

God and I are co-creators of my life.   I decide in which direction to go, what to do, what to be, and God is with me step by step, with encouragement, energy, conviction, and power.   But, the important point is that I choose what to do, when and where.   I choose what to think, to focus on, to become.  

It is all about free choice.   It would violate my free choice if God intervened and said, "No!  You cannot be a Computer Technician.  I want you as a missionary in Uganda!"   Not that God has said anything of the kind to me, but you get the point.   Even in the Bible is says that whatever you bind on earth it is bound in heaven and whatever you loose on earth it is loosed in heaven.   I find this to mean that whatever thoughts, words and deeds we choose to do here are done simultaneously in the world of the unseen.  In other words, I choose what to do here, and it has effects in the world of the visible, of matter and that of the invisible, of Spirit.

Let's say that I choose to focus all my thoughts on forgiving someone who has wronged me, hurt me, or betrayed me.   In the instant that I forgive them, my world, both matter and spirit, is changed.  I have created a world in which I am no longer chained my the feelings of betrayal and anger toward another.  God and myself have co-created a world where I am a person who can forgive.   Conversely, in that world, I can also be forgiven.   For I cannot forgive another unless I learn how to accept forgiveness from another.

"Forgive our sins as we forgive those who sin against us!"   Really this means that to the degree I have learned to forgive others, is the degree to which I can accept forgiveness from others, including God.

Back to the whole co-creation thing though.

Changes in my life have occurred because I was open to seeing the world in a new way.  It is all a matter of perspective.   God is the co-creator of these new perspectives because God is in everything and everyone.  When I choose to see the world differently, the world changes to fit that perspective.   Thus, I change the way I look at something, and that something changes as I look at it.   This is co-creation.

Many times I have met people that others have said were bitchy, angry, cantankerous, weird, strange, shy, overpowering, arrogant, etc.   Yet, many times I meet them and start to understand them a little better and my perspective changes.   Before I know it, they are not the people who were described to me, but rather different altogether.   Again, when I choose to see people as basically good, yearning for the same things that I am; love, acceptance, trust, peace, I find that they possess these qualities.   Again, God and I have co-authored a world where this has become fact.   Yet, another might see people as cheating and hostile, greedy and untrustworthy, and their world becomes just that.  The people they see and encounter fulfill their expectations.  

I guess what I am saying with so many words is that we get to choose what kind of person we wish to be, and what kind of world in which we wish to live.   In this process, God is empowering us to create that world.   For good or evil, for peace or turmoil.   With our free choice, we choose and that is reflected both here and in heaven, both with the world of matter and with that of spirit.

Relief for moms.

Relief for moms.

That is what I saw when I visited my church today. 

There is a program going on that allows mothers to drop off their children for Tuesday and Thursday mornings for free, while they recover, rest, and recreate themselves (or anything they choose to do during that time.)
There are volunteers that work with the existing church day school staff to help supervise these children.

I had the opportunity to be there when mothers were dropping the children off.   You should have seen some of the faces of these mothers.   Some were sad, as if any time away from their children was a bittersweet time.   Others had these looks of relief, like they had just completed a marathon.   A few had huge beaming smiles.   Some were laughing together and joking.

I just wonder if any of those mothers needed that additional time this month to not simply get things done quicker without their children, but perhaps to find peace, renew their minds and spirits.

Everyone gets to a point where there seems no time or space around children to recollect themselves, to step back and take a look, rationally and proactively, at what is happening around them.   How many times have mothers yelled out that they just need a break, any break.

So, I see the ministry that this church is doing as something that, especially during the holidays, is so needed.   It is an answer to many a frazzled mother's prayers.

If you are in a position to give a mother a break, I would urge you to do it.   You may indeed be fulfilling a prayer.

For what I am thankful

I learned that every thought I have, builds my reality. Most of my thoughts were negative. They only brought me more of the same pain, same depression, some feeling sorry for myself. When I started changing my thoughts, my life started changing.

It sounds simple, but my mind was a seething cauldron of chaos. The background noise was so intense, that I couldn't think clearly for many years.

I would be trapped in my own negative thoughts and did not know how to stop myself from thinking myself to an early grave.

God intervened by bringing to my attention the people, tools, resources that allowed me to start changing.  Change I did.  


For this I am thankful.
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I am seeing the marvels in other people.   Where once, strangers were strange, now I see the them as children of God.   All of them have such richness of experience and stories to tell.  I no longer overlook them like I once did.

For this I am thankful.
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I have fallen in love with life.    It has another dimension to it now.   The unseen world has made the real world that much more brilliant and wondrous.

For this I am thankful.
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I have my family and friends.   I can walk, talk, take care of myself.   These things are gifts.   Not everyone has them.   I can feel the wind on my face, the ground beneath my feet, the touch of another human being.  I can hear the music of the world and sense the presense of God.

For this I am thankful.

Can I be more Obscure and Vague?

The following story is not what it first seems.  
Read it again after finishing it the first time.


*****************************************************************

It was another rainy day.   The water washed down in streams of almost torrential fury.   Rivulets carved themselves into the soft dirt of the watershed.  Splashes geysered up from the ground, mirroring the fury above with that below.


Two figures were seen at the top of a hill, watching the work of years, the labor of their hands, washing away with the water.   


"Took years."  one said.

"Lifetimes for some."  the other commented.

"Things will be different now."  one muttered.

The other paused...looked out over the valley and whispered, "bout time!"

"Yep!"


And while this conversation was going on, over in the other valley.....


It was another blistering day.   Unmerciful rays scorched the already baked and battered dirt.   The waves of distortion came up from the earth, creating mirages on the horizon.  The fields were blistered with shrunken pits, where wet was just a myth.


In the field, two figures stood and surveyed the land.



"Took years."  one said.

"Lifetimes for some."  the other commented.

"Things will be different now."  one muttered.

The other paused...looked out over the valley and whispered, "bout time!"

"Nope!"

**********************************************************************

I will leave you to guess....though "Perspective & Relativity" is close!

Carousel - Magic for a Geek

Let me talk to you about magic.   Not the hocus-pocus or voodoo stuff but the simple magic that we as children experienced.

One of my favorite memories as a child was when we were living in New York.   There was a park just in walking distance of our backyard.  

I would start walking out from the house, and the land would go up and down in small hills.   Nothing was visible in front until I would hit the top of a hill and suddenly the park would come into focus, like materializing out of nothing.

My eyes would be drawn to the carousel first.   It was a structure of colors, scenes, animals, benches, machinery and grandeur.   It sat in the middle of the usual structures in a park; the swings, slides, monkey bars, and even concession stand.   It was the first thing I went to and the last that I got off.

What was magical about it wasn't that I was transported to a different world when I was on it, but that I saw more happening in this world when I was riding it.

I remember seeing the sprockets and drive-rods, camshafts extending out from the center column and wheels and pulleys, belts and chains.   Sometimes, when the central column was open, I would see the main articulating hub.   This was the sacred of sacred places.   A tree of platters, each surrounded by gear wheels.  Those gear wheels, driving each and every gear on the end of the numerous cams.   It was magic to watch the movement; from the huge electric motor to the flywheel, to the central shaft, turning the multi-platter of gears in the center column to the cams to the individual shafts that made the animals go up and down.  

As a child in kindergarten, this orchestra of movable parts, this masterpiece of clockwork perfection endlessly fascinated me.   It was magic.

After writing this blog, I realize that I really am a Geek.   Even back then.   But even geeks can experience magic.

"Same Kind of Different as Me"

If you have not read the book "Same Kind of Different as Me" and do not mind some spoilers......then read on.   If you have read it....read on.

Here is a synopsis of the book and then some of my reactions to it.
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Meet Denver, a man raised under plantation-style slavery in Louisiana in the 1960s; a man who escaped, hopping a train to wander, homeless, for eighteen years on the streets of Dallas, Texas. No longer a slave, Denver's life was still hopeless-until God moved. First came a godly woman who prayed, listened, and obeyed. And then came her husband, Ron, an international arts dealer at home in a world of Armani-suited millionaires. And then they all came together. 

But slavery takes many forms. Deborah discovers that she has cancer. In the face of possible death, she charges her husband to rescue Denver. Who will be saved, and who will be lost? What is the future for these unlikely three? What is God doing? 

Same Kind of Different As Me is the emotional tale of their story: a telling of pain and laughter, doubt and tears, dug out between the bondages of this earth and the free possibility of heaven. No reader or listener will ever forget it.

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I love the message behind the book.  It was so enjoyable to be able to see how people of so varied and different in upbringing, advantages and disadvantages and world-outlook can come together and become brothers.   This interconnectedness I really believe.   I love it.   I love seeing it manifesting in all ways in this world.   I have even experienced some of it.

Most of the life of Miss Debbie is a life of service to others comes from a place of love, not obligation.   She showed this consuming passion to help people worse of than herself.  She loved people.   She changed the way that her husband Ron looked at the indigent.   She was the interconnectedness, the inspiration and the glue that brought such different people such as Ron and Denver together.   A very admirable woman.

I also find it intriguing that it is through the death of Miss Debbie, that fundamentally shifts the role faith had to play in Ron's life.   His faith was so much a part of his ties with his wife, his love for her.  When she was gone and prayers had not healed her, he faced either loosing his faith or finding it for himself.   It became his faith.   The visitation from Miss Debbie to Denver and his words of comfort, and admonition to Ron caused him to go on.   To embrace his faith even in the absence of the love of his life.

It is always amazing when people change under the acceptance and love of others.   Denver went from a beat-down and disconnected man to one of love, compassion and faith.    These transformation are what I live to hear about, to experience, to retell.   This is what I love most about the book.   The transformation of Ron and Denver.

I Love, Love, Love transformational stories. 

What makes a person beautiful?

What makes a person beautiful?

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.   Perhaps, in addition, beauty is in the heart of the beholder.   What we see as beautiful in another must be something that we have experience recognizing.  Right?

There have been studies where the attention that babies give to different pictures shows that they are attracted to symmetry and ratios.  A face has certain symmetrical features and as a race, our focus follows that symmetry and those ratios from the distance between the eyes to the mouth.  The golden triangle of beauty.   So much for beauty in the eye of the beholder, right?

There is more to beauty as you know.  

The eye might be attracted to the ratios of the triangle of eyes and mouth and the symmetry of the face.    We need more that simple perfect mathematics of a face to consider the person as beautiful.   There are people with whom we may find pleasing to the eyes, but we would never want to spend any time with them.   Nor would we assign the label "beautiful" to such people.

So what happens?  Why do we see beauty even without the numbers?   Even before a person speaks or interacts with us, we see beauty.  

This is my opinion.

I see beauty in a person among the varied contrasts between the perfect and the imperfect.  In fact, the most beautiful people have attributes (and we are talking physical attributes right now) that run the spectrum from hard to soft, large to small, curved to straight, rough to smooth.   Each dimple, wrinkle, mole, freckle, hang of the shoulders, fold of skin, and several others, provide for my senses a feast of sensations.  It is sometimes the very contrast between a lighter spot of skin and a darker one, a freckle, or the way one half of a mouth may, in a smile, rise higher than the other side.  The more contrasts, focus points for my eyes, and the sweeping continuum of features is what not only attracts senses, but attracts my mind and emotions.

However, this is simply the surface.    In seconds of meeting someone, any or all of those "tags" can be changed without us even being conscious of it.   A rough and scraggly looking old man may become a down-to-earth, gentle and entertaining man.   We no longer see the facial hair, the worn and chapped skin, the callouses and wrinkles as negative.  We may see the person as more of a tapestry of wisdom, a picture of ebullient and flowing joy or wisdom.   Thus we feel better even in the presence of such a person and their beauty goes up.

I could not end the conversation without focusing on one other point.   What John Keats revealed in "Ode on a Grecian Urn" is as true today as it has been throughout our history.  "Beauty is truth, truth beauty,"

A person's beauty goes up for me in direct proportion to  how real, authentic, and truthful they are in their interactions with others.   They can have bad habits, make mistakes, use unwise judgment, and be real...and they are more beautiful.   On the other hand, a physically beautiful person can be closed, guarded, wear many masks, be inconsistent, and very hard to get to know, and they become less beautiful.   Again, this is only my opinion.  

Though John Keat's observation is so much deeper than this simple blog, the very observation of a shared truth in another that I also possess makes that other more beautiful to me.   The more points of commonality, the greater the number of associations to those physical "tags" that increase the overall perceived beauty of the person.

The truth is that it is the continuum of physical features, in relation to the spectrum of mental, emotional and spiritual features in a whole, or Gestalt, which I label "beautiful."

One last example.

Take a diamond.  Taken individually, each part looks like a piece of glass.   The crown, divorced from the facets, is clear, hard, and just plain looking.  We would have trouble telling it was a diamond in the first place.  The lower facets taken away from the culet, are nothing special.   It is the interaction between these simple areas with light that created the sparkle, the iridescence and brilliance of the whole. 

"Beauty is truth, truth beauty," - that is all
        Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.
-John Keats

The Final Analysis - Mother Theresa

I have some heroes in my life.  One of which is Mother Theresa.   She lived the life of loving-kindness.   I am so humbled and inspired by her life and her ministry.   That is why I am going to dedicate this blog to her.   

No one set of words or poem or reflection can do justice to the person of Mother Theresa; but the following comes close.

The Final Analysis

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;

...Forgive them anyway!

 

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;

...Be kind anyway!

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;

...Succeed anyway!

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;

...Be honest and frank anyway!

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;

...Build anyway!

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;

...Be happy anyway!

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;

...Do good anyway!

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;

...Give the world the best you've got anyway!

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;

It was never between you and them anyway.

"The poem, 'The Final Analysis' was written by Dr. Kent M. Keith and is frequently attributed to Mother Theresa as she had it posted on her wall - she knew a good poem when she read it."

The mind is a terrible thing to waste; but the present is never wasted on the mindful.

Mindfulness:  –adjective attentive, aware, or careful (usually fol. by of): mindful of one's responsibilities. 

I am not very mindful.   I am very fanciful.  I am very imaginative.   I have my heads in the clouds.   Sometimes, I an very absent-minded.   So as I write this blog, I am writing of those times in my life that are not like me at all.   Still, I think that being mindful is one of the best traits to develop.    


The one time that I was very mindful was while I was driving in the rain.  It was dark and windy; rain like the sleeting of a horizontal Niagra Falls.   Each burst of wind would rock my car.   The headlights would alternately shine forth about 10 feet, or reflect off of the torrent before me.   Every application of the brakes would be accompanied by loss of traction and some hydroplaning.  Even driving 20 miles an hour, each pool on the road would hit the car with force, tearing it off the straight path on which I was forcing it.


In such an experience, my senses went on overdrive, much like my transmission.   I was mindful.  Oh yes.   Every sound, sight, feel, smell.   I was there in the moment; from moment to moment because I knew that one lapse in attention and I would end up in a far worse predicament.   I was mindful out of necessity.  


In contrast, I love the times that I become mindful out of beauty.   Sometimes I see something so beautiful that instantly all my perceptions are turned, are entrapped and focus on the object of my attraction.  Some paintings do this to me.   I become focused on the delicate brush strokes, the depth of field, the contrast of colors, textures, light and dark.  I am aware of the chaos of the painter's object from up close and the gestault of the piece from a distance.  My mind seeks out the details; finding pure pleasure in the intricacies of the painting.  

Rarely, I just become mindful for no reason at all.   Sometimes my mind simply becomes super sensitive and fires up all my perceptions and senses and I find I am in a world of more color and contrast, whole and part than I have ever been.  

I stopped and looked at a tree.   No reason.  No purpose.  No plan.  I thought it would take a couple seconds and I would be on my way.   That is how I usually look at trees.   They are scenery, not something with which to spend a lot of time.   

After several minutes, I realized that I had not taken a breath.  I had not even blinked.  I was mindful of the pattern of the bark, the smell of the wood, the leaves, the detritus around the base of the tree.  The wind would change patterns as it intercepted the branches.  A symphony of sounds emanated from the stretching and swaying of all parts of the tree in the wind.   Squirrels danced in the branches.   I could even smell that a dog has done it's business around the tree at some time in the recent past.   I was fully in the moment before I realized it.

Being mindful of things around you is very important.   Not only does it sometimes make the difference between being alive and dead, like in the case of driving, but other times it is the difference between being in a world that is either alive to you or dead to you.   Mindfulness brings us back to the infinite NOW.  It adds value and weight and wonder and grace to the ever-present.  

The mind is a terrible thing to waste; but the present is never wasted on the mindful.

Sometimes we have to do things we do not want to do.

Sometimes we have to do things we do not want to do.   Perhaps this is as it should be.

My cat has fleas.   Very badly.  I have tried 4 different products.   The most expensive one has never failed before.   It failed.

I finally picked up some flea shampoo.   I knew that this would be the final straw before I had to put down some real money for a vet.  

It was also my last choice because my cat is old and terrified of water.  

About 20 minutes ago, I tried to give her her 1st bath with the flea shampoo.   She is a big cat.  About 14 lbs.

I tried to keep her in the tub, holding her head and pushing backward when her claws tried to find purchase on the porcelain tub.  She was giving more of a fight than I have ever seen before in a cat.   At one point, I noticed my own heart laboring and sweat pouring off me just trying to keep her in the tub.

I got the shampoo on her, but I could not hold her still for 10 minutes.   That is what the bottle said.   I would like to see them try to hold a cat still in a bathtub for 10 minutes.  

I knew I was loosing the fight though.  She started breathing rapidly, a hoarseness cropped into her meows, and her breathing became labored and quicker and alarmingly erratic. 

I quickly shoved her under the tap again, trying to wash the shampoo off.   She was in total panic now.   Total.   She is almost 15 years old, and I thought she would have a heart attack then and there.

Finally, with most of the shampoo off, I could not, in good conscience, hold her any longer.  I was afraid for her life.   I let her launch herself out of the tub.

Chasing a wet and scared cat with a towel is something for people younger than myself.   I finally dried her up some.  I was exhausted.   I still am exhausted.

This is only a cat I realize.   However, it made me think about what parents must go through all the time with children.   They need shots, first aid, the occasional wound dressing.  Wow.  I have a whole new appreciation for parents doing things for their children that frighten them, or even send them into a panic.

I am truly humbled after this experience.   Parents Rock!

Doing and Being.

I have had my share of situations come up that have caused me to rush about and try to do something, anything to make them better.

If only I could .....  When I get there I will.....If I just did......things will work out if I change......Next time I will do......

Doing.   It all gets back to whether I think that the actions I take have control over the sometimes unpleasant situations life seems to have.

Doing.   When my focus is on the future.  I see the past and regret it so I make changes to what I will do to the future and change that.

Doing.  I need to feel like I am doing something. I have to make an effect, I need to see something happening.

All these thoughts come to me when I feel that the business of life is overwhelming my peace.   My first reaction to this chaos and turmoil is to do something about it.   I have been trained to marshal my forces, to fight the fight, to struggle to make in my life what I desire.  

Am I missing the point?

My days are sometimes dominated by excessive activities.   I have been trained to think that I am not successful unless I have done something, finished something, or at least started something.   I am trained by society to see my own worth as being related to what I have done, what work I do, what work I have yet to do.   I find that I search after security by doing all I can to ensure that I can support the life that I am living.

There is nothing wrong with this.   No.  There is a time for action.  It is just that too much action, to many things pulling me to act means I loose my peace.   I find that I am harried, anxious, upset, driven, stressed.   When my actions are resisted or thwarted I get angry, frustrated, sad, depressed.   Some things I cannot solve; some security I cannot feel no matter what I do.  What good is doing then?

I found that I get to the point that I am so frustrated, so tired of always doing, that a breakthrough happens.  I have an overwhelming desire to stop the rat race and to just start being. 

Being.   This is the focus on the now.  Being means that I do not dwell on the past; nor do I dwell on the future.   I am in the now.   I realize that peace does not come from the planning for what may come, or the review of things before.   Peace comes from choosing to BE a peace.  

Being.   The eternal now.  Many authors have written about living and being in the now.  Why?   The now is the only time that we can change.   The now is the only time that really is.   Our past is made up of an infinite series of choices we made to be who we wish to be in the now.  The future is just guesswork as to what we will choose to be in the now.    

Let me say what Being brings to my life that Doing has never brought.

1. Being gives you more time than doing.  Being totally focused and present now allows you to

see more things you can do to be more effective and successful in living and working.

2. Being is easier than doing. To begin being, all you have to do is allow yourself to be that way. You don’t have to do anything, just relax and let go of something nonsensical that isn’t worth holding onto.

3. Being quiets the mind while Doing is noisy and distracting.   I have to think of all the consequences of doing, how to do, what to do, when to do it.  My mind can be filled with all the possibilities.  It gets noisy.  Being, my mind can relax.   It can be aware.  

 

4. Being is more fun. Doing is actually boring because you are missing out on the things that bring real joy and meaning to your heart. The nice surprise is that the more miserable you are from doing, the more content you can be in being. 

 

Doing and Being.   I can do that.    But I can be that even better.