Don't Mind the Man Behind the Curtains
It is strange going through my spiritual biography. Some things I would rather not look too closely at, and others are kinda nice to see again. Trying to pry some underlying direction, mission statement, or life's goal out of them is difficult to say the least.
There were the painful times when I tried it on my own. This whole faith thing. Times when I was reminded that I was a very (and still am) flawed person in a flawed world.
One year when I first became assistant director at camp, I learned that most of the work behind anything, much less a functioning Christian Community, is done behind the scenes. I thought, back then, I would have more time to hang out with the campers, more time to do Bible Studies, more time in the limelight, so to speak. This was not the case. I remember clearly so many times that during the Community Celebration (the non-competitive talent show held at the end of the week) that I had no campers that stood up and gave me compliments. No "What was good about the week" observations that included me. I felt left out. When I was a counselor the year before, there seemed to be a whole lot more little recognitions. Sounds petty and egotistical doesn't it? It was.
There were other times that I led the worship services and that was so much fun. However, as an Assistant Director, my job was to encourage the staff, and through them, the campers to lead their own worships. So I had Sunday a lot of the time, and the rest I was a participant. Again, such a petty thing, but I missed it.
It is not that I wasn't being used by God, just not in the particular way that I wished to be used. What did God use me for? When the kitchen dishwasher ran out of chemicals, I knew where they were stored and how to change them out. When the chlorine injector failed on the pump house, I knew how to fix it. Also, when a camper went missing, I knew what needed to be done, how to organize search parties, how to interrogate campers from the cabin from which he went missing.
Also there were the times when God used me to support those that were on the front lines of ministry with the youth. When staff were having a rough time, whether job related or personal, I was there to talk with them. When they needed encouragement, directions, or time and space to just grow (time and space equates to allowing them to make and learn from their own mistakes).
This was not only camp, not only college years, but I found as I went over my life, I was not the front-runner, nor the motivational speaker, nor the person in the limelight. God has used me to grease the pulleys of life, to dust the curtains, to adjust the spotlights so that other people could shine.
I am God's maintenance man, using love to keep the stage of Grace working, and the lights on.
