Love the World...and by the way, this means Love Yourself

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another."
The golden rule.
Love and serve others.
Honor others as better than yourself.
It is in giving that you receive.


We've all heard them.  Theses sayings, verses, words of wisdom have been around as long as have we.  Give. love, share, serve.  All of them true.  All of them will make life better, more joyful, more loving.  Yet, we hear these truths and can take them to an extreme.


Love the world!


Good idea.  Sounds like that might work.  The world needs love.  Makes perfect sense.  Not only that, if we love the world then we can share that fact with others.  Being a martyr is in vogue right now.  Suffering for your faith will get you in with the Church Council.  You'll look good to your neighbors.   Nobody can say anything bad about someone who will give all they have and sell it and give it to the poor.  


I know of people who do give.  They give everything of themselves.  They pour out their talents, gifts, energy, time and often times sanity to those in need.  Giving till it hurts is not just a description for these people but a rallying cry, a motto, a way of life.  They are admired for it.  They are praised for it.  They are "good people."  I also know that many burn out at some time.  For some it takes decades, but there comes a time when they no longer give.  They have nothing left.  They check themselves out.  


I knew of a pastor who loved working with families, parents.  She had her degree in Divinity but also in Family and Child Counseling.  Not only was she a pastor full time, but a more than part-time counselor.  You name it, she dealt with it:  divorce, suicide, violence, abuse, etc.   She was good.  Everyone had the highest opinion of her.  I lost contact with her, but recently found out she had left the church completely.  I heard the story second-hand that she quit her job, never returned to the church, and shortly thereafter, moved to another city.  Those same people in the church which had praised her for her service and compassion now muttered behind her back (she wasn't even there to defend herself.) and cast dispersions against her.  How could she just quit and leave people who needed her?  I talked with a friend of hers and what happened was she burned out.  It was a choice between preserving her sanity, her health, her life and leaving that church and the ministry.


Love the world; just don't forget you are part of the world!

We are not praised for taking care of ourselves.  Stories are not passed around that we saved ourselves; but that bus full of nuns that we saved, yes, that makes the headlines.  People don't say, "what a good job you did in taking care of your own health, and finances, and home!"  It doesn't happen that way.  


We have been socialized and sometimes we have learned to always put others first.  Or we have learned the opposite, put ourselves first always.  Where is the balance?


Do you know that when they teach emergency response, one of the first questions to ask is "Am I and the other workers safe?"  Airline attendants are taught to put on the oxygen mask first, before helping the passengers.  Diving instructors are taught to protect themselves and their own safety if the student diver starts to panic.  "Can I assist this other without putting myself in jeopardy and thus making the rescue impossible?"


Take a moment.  Really think about the precautions we might take in our own lives before we love and serve others.  Because it is through such precautions that we CAN love and serve others.


Are we serving from a place of love, or from a place of duty, expectation, or implied understanding?


Often times, the service the we give is not based on any real love we have for others, but the fear that we will be rejected, or looked down upon for not helping.  This saps the will to serve, and uses far more energy than you would think.  Prolonged service of this type leads not only to burn-out, but to resentment, anger, and disillusionment.  Think from where is this motivation to serve coming.

Are we serving from a lack of resources, patience, time, understanding?

There are times we just don't have it to give.  Parents really understand this.  Teachers do to.  If we still feel like we have to give at this point, it often doesn't turn out well.  We become impatient, uncaring, short, mean, even passive-aggressive in the service.  That is because our own patience, understanding, and caring with ourselves isn't so great.  We haven't had time to love ourselves, serve ourselves, recharge our own tanks.

I am going to write more on this topic in later blogs.  For now, ask yourselves these questions before "giving all you have."  It will allow you to possibly give in a more healthy way, and for yourself to receive some of that giving as well.

Examine that Plank

Some of these blogs have been about judging others and why not to do it.  The limitations of judging another, of putting another in a box of your own preconceived notions, always limits us, rather than the person judged.  However, I do want to talk about something I have heard about time and again when justifying our (my) behavior toward other people with whom I think I am better.

"Hate the sin, love the sinner!"

Have you heard this before?  As Christians, I know that this phrase has done more to marginalize those whom we feel are engaged in activities, lifestyles, thoughts, or even feelings with which we do not agree.  It is another box.  Another label.  Another way to justify judging them.  But, it makes us feel better about ourselves.  For we are not rejecting the person.  No....We love the person, we are rejecting the sin.  Aren't we holy?

I am getting a little empassioned about this.  Usually my writing does not come across so strong or cynical.  I do apologize about this, however; it is a little something that bugs the heck out of me.

If you look at the way Jesus lived his life, the words he spoke, the way he loved, he never advocated "Love the Sinner Hate the Sin!"  In fact, Jesus, when witnessing the condemnation of the woman caught in adultery, he did not say, "Don't stone this woman.  Love her, but hate her sin!"  No.  He rather turned the tables on those judges and pointed out that not a one of them was without sin, none could justify their own position of judgment against her.

In light of this, perhaps we should re-write this oft used phrase.

"Love the sinner, and hate the sin in ourselves!"

or rather,

"Love everyone, and work on the sins in ourselves that get in the way of loving others even more!"

What would that scene have been like if we (I) did this more often?   Would we sit down with the woman, listen to her, learn who she is, what happened, and love to even more?  Would there have even been a gathering.  Perhaps a neighbor would have sat down with her and been a great friend, and the woman would have had the support, understanding and acceptance to see in her own life to deal with her own sins or roadblocks to loving others and herself.

This is really just a reminder to myself.  I need to Love everyone, and work on the sins in ourselves that get in the way of loving others even more!